-
Birthday
God, you're old.
SEPTEMBER 18TH, 2009
4.33 (3 votes)
-
Flirting
Will you stop being perfect so I can get some work done?
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
4.00 (1 votes)
-
Flirting
I want to play on your buttocks like a child's drum.
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
3.00 (2 votes)
-
Friendship
I know it's been a while since I've emailed you, but I just got back from North Korea.
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
3.80 (5 votes)
-
Flirting
You should know that I can only become aroused while listening to the audio recording of T.S. Eliot reading "The Waste Land."
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
5.00 (2 votes)
-
Flirting
You would have given the 13 year-old version of me an almost constant boner.
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
4.40 (5 votes)
-
Somewhat Topical
American Apparel is never made in sweat shops, but clearly there is something bad going on.
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
4.00 (1 votes)
-
Somewhat Topical
Save Paula.
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
3.00 (2 votes)
-
Cry for Help
Dear AT&T, Please figure your shit out.
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
3.67 (3 votes)
-
Friendship
I'm so jealous of all the time you must save by never spelling out the word "you."
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
4.83 (6 votes)
-
Flirting
You have such a good body, I didn't think you were straight.
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
4.50 (2 votes)
-
Thanks
Thank you for the Editor's Pick from the bottom of the small, dark hole where my heart used to be.
AUGUST 5TH, 2009
4.50 (2 votes)
-
Friendship
If I were eating shit, I don't think I'd grin.
AUGUST 3RD, 2009
5.00 (3 votes)
-
Confession
Okay, fine, so I'm addicted to Ambien.
AUGUST 3RD, 2009
4.75 (4 votes)
-
Courtesy Hello
I can tell from over here that you're British.
AUGUST 3RD, 2009
5.00 (2 votes)
-
Flirting
The first time I saw your asshole, I knew I wanted to put my African-American dildo inside it.
JULY 31ST, 2009
3.00 (4 votes)
-
Flirting
The first time I saw your vagina, I knew I wanted to put my penis in it.
JULY 31ST, 2009
3.71 (7 votes)
-
Flirting
Oh, look. My blue balls match your eyes.
JULY 31ST, 2009
2.80 (5 votes)
-
Birthday
Happy Birthday. I can't wait to hold your dried-up sagging breasts in my veiny, wrinkled hands.
JULY 31ST, 2009
3.00 (2 votes)
-
Apology
Look. I'm sorry I borrowed your vibrator.
JULY 31ST, 2009
0.00 (0 votes)