Welcome Home!! You should see the size of the shit in the living room.
Look at the funny ad! It says 10% off happy ending!
You Have Such A Lovely Home.........Sorry I Shit On Your Carpet.
I told you somebody ass was gonna get whooped if you aint clean those dishes!
I don't always put my junk in a box, but when I do, I prefer your mom's.
Congratulations on your new place and gradual descent into sexual promiscuity and alcoholism.
Perfect. You had to go kill and dismemeber a prostitute the day of our house warming.
We decided to throw a "housewarming" party so we don't have to hang out with all of you seperately.
come see where i'll live out my remaining years.
I implore you, make baldness trendy. I'm not getting nearly enough pussy.
Excuse my but you're sitting on my house.
I bring thine drinks, since I cannot bear ye children.
If you didn't spend $150 on the candle-holder mom, we could afford a fucking heater.
Please come to our housewarming party because we can't afford to go out for the next 30 years.
It's quite lovely that you have left the plastic on your furniture, for I have just urinated myself.
You can't even see the bloodstains-- Home Depot has saved us again.
![[UPDATED] 23 Craigslist Missed Connections that we pray never lead to a connection.](http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/feed_assets/4e07b1762a1ac_m4e08b71540124.png)
