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Somewhat Topical
I guess Dolly was the better bet, as far as cup size and "I will always love you's" go, but Whitney could really take a punch.
FEBRUARY 11TH, 2012
5.00 (3 votes)
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Confession
I'm not yelling WITH you, I'm yelling AT you.
JANUARY 15TH, 2011
3.33 (3 votes)
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Sports
I lost forty pounds and three dress sizes by constantly kegeling.
SEPTEMBER 26TH, 2010
5.00 (3 votes)
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Trips and Getaways
This reminds me of those movies where the cast drowns for two hours and then the credits roll.
SEPTEMBER 4TH, 2010
5.00 (1 votes)
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Christmas Season
I didn't expect this Christmas to be worse than last year, since the only thing I got was syphilis, but then this year my dick fell off.
OCTOBER 30TH, 2009
3.20 (5 votes)
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Friendship
If you were a real friend, you would give me the shirt off your back and then let me play with your tits.
OCTOBER 15TH, 2009
5.00 (2 votes)
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Flirting
We'd have a fucking riot doing heroin.
OCTOBER 15TH, 2009
3.86 (7 votes)
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Confession
I dare you to throw your shirt at me.
OCTOBER 15TH, 2009
0.00 (0 votes)
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Confession
I am tired of your .
OCTOBER 6TH, 2009
5.00 (1 votes)
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Flirting
It pisses me off that the only time I get to poke you is on Facebook.
SEPTEMBER 29TH, 2009
4.23 (13 votes)
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Flirting
Fortunately, when I'm seeing double, you're not twice as fat.
SEPTEMBER 29TH, 2009
5.00 (5 votes)
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Confession
My existential side asserted itself, and I have expanded my carbon footprint to enormous proportions.
SEPTEMBER 29TH, 2009
4.33 (3 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I legally changed my name to Hootie McBoobity.
SEPTEMBER 22ND, 2009
3.71 (7 votes)
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Confession
Since getting Twitter, I've put more twats out on the internet than Hustler.
SEPTEMBER 22ND, 2009
3.67 (3 votes)
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Reminders
Next time we fuck in my parents' house, I am going to remind you to use your inside voice.
SEPTEMBER 21ST, 2009
4.18 (11 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I wonder if Patrick Swayze stuck around after he died to haunt Demi Moore.
SEPTEMBER 14TH, 2009
3.86 (7 votes)
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Apology
I thought you were crying as a result of me making you laugh really hard.
SEPTEMBER 11TH, 2009
4.17 (6 votes)
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Confession
If I could do life over again using the cheat codes, I would definitely start with a light saber.
AUGUST 31ST, 2009
3.92 (13 votes)
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Confession
I'm getting tired of people seeing me naked and then accusing me of having had penis enhancement surgery.
AUGUST 20TH, 2009
4.11 (9 votes)
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Music
I am the kind of music snob that won't listen to "Cute Is What We Aim For" because their name ends with a preposition.
AUGUST 18TH, 2009
4.18 (11 votes)
