Your happiness makes me uncomfortable.
My personal goal is to create fewer ecards in the "cry for help" category.
The level of my self-loathing depends largely on the ratings of my ecards.
What I lack in social skills, I more than make up for in psychological issues.
If you were attractive, you would look so pretty.
If your unborn child could see you, I'm sure he would abort himself.
You would be my first choice if there were no other choices.
This is literally a cry for help.
Congratulations to the last person I thought would get married before me.
The idea of meeting someone on Match.com is more terrifying to me than dying alone.
I hope you have better things to do on your honeymoon that update your last name on Facebook.
Like burnt popcorn, I find you slightly repulsive but finish you off anyway.
Would you like coffee with my soul?
I'm genuinely concerned that you're not eating. Bitch.
Of course it's your fault Daddy left.
Good luck finding anyone as chemically imbalanced as me.
I promise it's an ingrown hair.
You're only as fat as other people think you are.
I'd rather undergo female circumcision than spend another minute with you.
