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Encouragement
I would love nothing more than to listen to you bitch all day and definitely don't have anything else to do.
NOVEMBER 3RD, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Congratulations
This is the annoying but relieving week we get to celebrate my uterus remaining empty.
NOVEMBER 3RD, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
I'm not sorry that it happened, I'm just sorry that it was with you.
SEPTEMBER 5TH, 2011
5.00 (0 votes)
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Confession
I'd rather be single the rest of my life than fall in love and be happy.
AUGUST 23RD, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Breakup
Thank you for picking the first day I felt fine on my own to come back.
AUGUST 23RD, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Confession
The problem with having hoes in different areas codes is that they're in a different area code.
AUGUST 23RD, 2011
4.00 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
A good time to cut off foreign aide would be when our monthly debt to that country exceeds it.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Here's to your ability to formulate bull shit as great as Casey Anthony's defense team.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
I'm not comfortable with you moving in but feel free to stay here every night.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (0 votes)
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Congratulations
Upon your mere acceptance to law school, I now claim to have several lawyer friends.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Confession
I've chosen to politely ignore your extremely direct question.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Friendship
I'm thrilled our friendship is strong enough to eliminate the need to ever discuss what happened.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Sports
I'm very interested in hearing your thoughts on the shuttlecock.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Congratulations
Congratulations for picking the right career the first time around if congratulations means you're annoying.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Encouragement
When the going gets tough, the tough get going home.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
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Cry for Help
I feel good about my quarterlife crisis because it means I won't have a midlife one that destroys it beyond repair.
JULY 25TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Breakup
The reason I'm not crazy is because I only did it to get a reaction out of you.
MAY 20TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
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Confession
I'm only going out tonight because my anxiety over missing the greatest night in history got the best of me.
MAY 15TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
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Breakup
I'm telling you how I feel over text because I'll forget half of it in person and it won't sounds nearly as good.
MAY 15TH, 2011
5.00 (6 votes)
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Confession
I would honestly rather pay someone large amounts of money to do nothing than listen to you talk right now.
MAY 15TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
