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Movies
I wonder if Bad Santawas so bad that hemurdered BernieMac and John Ritter.
DECEMBER 22ND, 2010
1.00 (2 votes)
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Christmas Season
Judging by the frequency of Santa hats on naked women on porn websites, I'm running out of time to buy Christmas gifts.
DECEMBER 15TH, 2010
2.00 (2 votes)
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Friendship
If I accidentally find your wife while looking at porn, I promise not to masturbate after looking at the photos.
NOVEMBER 5TH, 2010
5.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
Thanks to some eye drops and faulty hand-eye coordination, I now know how a bukkake starlet feels.
NOVEMBER 1ST, 2010
4.00 (1 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I wonder if Tom Bosley would come back to life if The Fonz hit the side of the coffin with his fist.
OCTOBER 21ST, 2010
4.50 (6 votes)
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Confession
Flaky boogers make me question whether the length of my nose hair is acceptable.
MARCH 3RD, 2010
0.00 (0 votes)
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Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day has become too commercialized for my taste.
FEBRUARY 1ST, 2010
4.12 (8 votes)
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Baby
My happiness over the recent birth of your child is easily outweighed by the horror that you will now raise a child.
DECEMBER 28TH, 2009
3.60 (5 votes)
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Confession
If masturbation was an Olympic sport, you couldn't pry the gold medal out of my hand.
DECEMBER 11TH, 2009
4.20 (5 votes)
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Workplace
Hell hath no fury like a shitting co-worker.
DECEMBER 11TH, 2009
2.75 (4 votes)
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Christmas Season
If not for Santa, Jesus would be my favorite fictional bearded guy that gets celebrated in December.
DECEMBER 4TH, 2009
3.76 (54 votes)
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Workplace
I put more effort into my smoke breaks at work than I put into my actual work.
NOVEMBER 5TH, 2009
4.33 (6 votes)
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Sports
Congratulations to the Yankees for successfully ending The Curse of Denny Neagle.
NOVEMBER 5TH, 2009
5.00 (1 votes)
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Sympathy
"Agnostic" is an awfully fancy synonym for "pussy".
OCTOBER 29TH, 2009
3.86 (7 votes)
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Halloween
Halloween is as good a time as any to wonder which vampires are more gay- the ones in 'Twilight' or in 'The Vampire's Assistant'.
OCTOBER 21ST, 2009
1.00 (3 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I hope my recent mistake doesn't come back to haunt me three decades later on a trip to Switzerland.
OCTOBER 2ND, 2009
4.00 (1 votes)
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Movies
My hope is that the person being tortured in Saw 6 is the same person who decided to make six Saw movies.
OCTOBER 1ST, 2009
4.86 (14 votes)
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Thanks
Thank you for enabling me.
SEPTEMBER 28TH, 2009
4.67 (3 votes)
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Apology
I'm sorry the condom came off.
SEPTEMBER 22ND, 2009
3.50 (2 votes)
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Apology
I'm sorry that the rollover ads for Dexter and Californication on someecards.com induced your seizure.
SEPTEMBER 22ND, 2009
3.33 (3 votes)
