I don't swear Jackass! I use sentence enhancers I'm a fuckin' lady!
My wife told me I could be the boss.
Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
Sorry to hear that your Facebook stock is now as worthless as your Facebook posts.
Fucks don't grow on trees, and I have none left to give.
I have one nerve left and you're dry-humping it. Go away.
I don't fart. I whisper in my panties.
You can assume that this card is about you just so you think I really give a shit.
Dear Mom, I'm glad we're both mature enough to talk about penises these days. Love, your gay son.
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.
I'm so glad you're not afraid to say the horrible things I'm thinking.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Are you made of bacon? Because you're sizzling!
Grandma! We got together and came up with a fitting eulogy... Hope you die in your sleep real soon!
Newsflash!!! This just in... Idiots. They're all over the interenet. More details at 11pm.
Sidney Crosby, Alexandre Burrows, and Jason Spezza... Your 2012 Olympic Diving Team.
Biting my glasses definitely makes me look sexier than wearing them...
They see me rollin, they faintin.
Sublimial messaging. It's working. You're just too stupid to realize it.
![[UPDATED] 23 Craigslist Missed Connections that we pray never lead to a connection.](http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/feed_assets/4e07b1762a1ac_m4e08b71540124.png)
