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  • Valentine's Day

    I love you so much I'm putting a Valentine's message on your Facebook wall.

    I love you so much I'm putting a Valentine's message on your Facebook wall.

    anthony benjamin02/13/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Reminders

    If it can't be fixed with duct tape or super glue, or cleaned by lysol wipes or my dog, then it has no place in my home. Period.

    If it can't be fixed with duct tape or super glue, or cleaned by lysol wipes or my dog, then it has no place in my home. Period.

    Jessi2146002/13/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Valentine's Day

    Your level of satisfaction on Valentine's Day is equivalent to your significant other's level of sexual satisfaction.

    Your level of satisfaction on Valentine's Day is equivalent to your significant other's level of sexual satisfaction.

    omgomg123402/10/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Lent

    For Lent, I'm giving up on giving something up for Lent.

    For Lent, I'm giving up on giving something up for Lent.

    omgomg123402/11/2013
    5.00 (3 votes)
  • Workplace

    Holy Fuckballs is this day over yet?

    Holy Fuckballs is this day over yet?

    groovycakes01/31/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Family

    'Mom?' What is....normal? 'It's just a setting on the dryer, honey'......

    "Mom?" What is....normal? "It's just a setting on the dryer, honey"......

    Sue282583701/30/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • BBQ/Pool Party

    I could never cook like the chefs on Food Network because I have to shop in the real world at Wal Mart.

    I could never cook like the chefs on Food Network because I have to shop in the real world at Wal Mart.

    Sean168815001/28/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Workplace

    Because it's 'best practices'. That's IT talk for: 'Because I said so.'

    Because it's "best practices". That's IT talk for: "Because I said so."

    Jeffrey213726501/20/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Somewhat Topical

    You fuckers better have real girlfriends.

    You fuckers better have real girlfriends.

    Hank Delphinium01/17/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Seasonal

    Sorry kids.... because of the tax increase, THIS year I'm going with TRICK!

    Sorry kids.... because of the tax increase, THIS year I'm going with TRICK!

    Mark287113101/14/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Movies

    God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

    God darnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

    Lisa298488701/13/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Reminders

    When you describe the one you 'love' do you describe who they are or what they have?

    When you describe the one you 'love' do you describe who they are or what they have?

    Cassandra292477901/08/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Other Holidays

    Sure the holidays are over. But we can drink like they're still going on.

    Sure the holidays are over. But we can drink like they're still going on.

    ISpeakOnlyTruth01/07/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Somewhat Topical

    editing the privacy settings on my facebook profile is a full-time job.

    editing the privacy settings on my facebook profile is a full-time job.

    lindsaygelfand01/03/2013
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • TV

    Dr. Sheldon Cooper meet Dr. Spencer Reed. How do we make that happen?

    Dr. Sheldon Cooper meet Dr. Spencer Reed. How do we make that happen?

    Melissa265325010/21/2012
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Somewhat Topical

    Congrats to the Mayans for keeping themselves in current events for hundreds of years after their civilization collapsed!

    Congrats to the Mayans for keeping themselves in current events for hundreds of years after their civilization collapsed!

    ftrinchijr12/21/2012
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Somewhat Topical

    Stupid People Aren't Annoying... They Are Free Entertainment.

    Stupid People Aren't Annoying... They Are Free Entertainment.

    housewife200112/21/2012
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Apology

    Sorry we showed up shit-faced to your intervention.

    Sorry we showed up shit-faced to your intervention.

    solmom12/18/2012
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Seasonal

    We don't do the elf on the shelf. Just like when our kids pretend to make a cake, we tell them to cut that shit out. Nobody wants fake cake.

    We don't do the elf on the shelf. Just like when our kids pretend to make a cake, we tell them to cut that shit out. Nobody wants fake cake.

    maryjatkinson12/11/2012
    5.00 (2 votes)
  • Baby

    You speak so highly of your children yet everyone else we know thinks they're a couple of little assholes.

    You speak so highly of your children yet everyone else we know thinks they're a couple of little assholes.

    BrewThat12/11/2012
    5.00 (2 votes)

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