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  • Easter

    Your cooking reminds me of something that's been dead for three days, but that doesn't mean I want to see it resurrected.

    Your cooking reminds me of something that's been dead for three days, but that doesn't mean I want to see it resurrected.

    unklscrufyyesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Easter

    We ate the chocolate Easter bunny we were going to give you. Let's see if it resurrects.

    We ate the chocolate Easter bunny we were going to give you. Let's see if it resurrects.

    unklscrufyyesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Thanks

    No, go ahead and start texting someone while I'm talking to you -- I'll wait. And I won't in any way start thinking of you as an ignorant pea-brained asshole.

    No, go ahead and start texting someone while I'm talking to you -- I'll wait. And I won't in any way start thinking of you as an ignorant pea-brained asshole.

    Wayne3566887yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Somewhat Topical

    'Bless you', why? All you did was sneeze! Should I bless all your other bodily functions too?

    "Bless you", why? All you did was sneeze! Should I bless all your other bodily functions too?

    pink pelicanyesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Breakup

    I highly recommend you to go fuck yourself.

    I highly recommend you to go fuck yourself.

    N9308yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Sports

    Today we shall Thunder Up.

    Today we shall Thunder Up.

    Stacy2308664yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Reminders

    Your refusal to LIKE my status is damaging my self-esteem in ways that have not been fully determined! Do it now before I punch you in the throat!

    Your refusal to LIKE my status is damaging my self-esteem in ways that have not been fully determined! Do it now before I punch you in the throat!

    Wayne3566887yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Thinking of You

    I love you more than James Franco loves posting selfies to Instagram.

    I love you more than James Franco loves posting selfies to Instagram.

    soco914yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Drinking

    So... they think they can dance. Wait 'til they see me dance.

    So... they think they can dance. Wait 'til they see me dance.

    drewbydewbyyesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Friendship

    Let me explain to you why getting in touch with me only when you want something might be viewed by some as fucking rude behaviour.

    Let me explain to you why getting in touch with me only when you want something might be viewed by some as fucking rude behaviour.

    Wayne3566887yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Cry for Help

    My Little Golden Showers Book has been poorly received.

    My Little Golden Showers Book has been poorly received.

    diannecyesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Seasonal

    Easter, Mother's Day and New Years Times when people buy new clothes for their 'Annual Visit'.

    Easter, Mother's Day and New Years Times when people buy new clothes for their "Annual Visit".

    Andre3098yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Cry for Help

    'Hello, Facebook Police? Yes, I'd like to report someone hijacking my status to prove how smart and funny *they* are -- without clicking on 'LIKE' first.'

    "Hello, Facebook Police? Yes, I'd like to report someone hijacking my status to prove how smart and funny *they* are -- without clicking on 'LIKE' first."

    Wayne3566887yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Confession

    On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed are you with Harry Potter? 9 3/4.

    On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed are you with Harry Potter? 9 3/4.

    frozenojyesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Cry for Help

    I applaud your humour but am horrified at the liberties you've taken with the English language. Ten minutes in the Naughty Corner!

    I applaud your humour but am horrified at the liberties you've taken with the English language. Ten minutes in the Naughty Corner!

    Wayne3566887yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Cry for Help

    That moment when you are blocked from Pinterest because you pin too much!

    That moment when you are blocked from Pinterest because you pin too much!

    Ersilia1yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Somewhat Topical

    Dear America, No I will not shave my beard just because you deemed it 'out of fashion'. Sincerely, Man Beard.

    Dear America, No I will not shave my beard just because you deemed it "out of fashion". Sincerely, Man Beard.

    Jeremy2493254yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Workplace

    He asked me what my favorite position was... I told him CEO.

    He asked me what my favorite position was... I told him CEO.

    Tiffany3368971yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Movies

    There were times, Jasper found, when keeping two hands on the keyboard was just too difficult.

    There were times, Jasper found, when keeping two hands on the keyboard was just too difficult.

    Wayne3566887yesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)
  • Get Well

    All I said was that it was her butt that made her pants look fat...

    All I said was that it was her butt that made her pants look fat...

    chmoyesterday
    0.00 (0 votes)

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