Sorry to hear that your Facebook stock is now as worthless as your Facebook posts.
I don't swear Jackass! I use sentence enhancers I'm a fuckin' lady!
I am fluent in sarcasm and movie quotes.
Fucks don't grow on trees, and I have none left to give.
I would slap you, but I don't want to get any slut on my hands.
Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
If a woman is bad at parking, it's only because she's constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.
Look what I discovered, and it's cheaper than my therapist was!
Thing Addams and his date enjoy a fancy dinner together.
I went to the gym and forgot to post it on Facebook.
When it comes right down to it, cock is cock and I just like getting fucked.
My entire goal in life is to show my friends who have kids how awesome NOT having kids is.
Where can I find a man who will say "Laters baby" and make love to me like Christian Grey?
This Memorial Day, let's remember all the friends we got rid of on Facebook.
I'm running out of people that I can stand this week.
I blame your ridiculous sense of entitlement on your over-indulgent parents.
![[UPDATED] 23 Craigslist Missed Connections that we pray never lead to a connection.](http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/images/feed_assets/4e07b1762a1ac_m4e08b71540124.png)
