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Cry for Help
I'm to pretty to be narcissistic.
MAY 23RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Encouragement
See, I told you... Bat shit really is crazy!
MAY 23RD, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Mother's Day
Oh look, more shitty macaroni and glitter for Mother's Day... Thank God your I've got "50 Shades of Gray" hiding in the bedroom.
MAY 13TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Friendship
Yes, I read your Ecard. It was dreadful. So to make you feel better, I laughed so hard I shit myself so you could awkwardly laugh about my shit too. BFF!
MAY 10TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Flirting
Don't even think about going down there, I just had a burrito.
MAY 9TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Since we're from a progressive Northern state, so we're re-opening the underground railroad for North Carolina's gay people. How sad, right?
MAY 9TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Flirting
The only reason "suck my dick" should be insulting is because you have an ugly penis.
APRIL 18TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Party
I don't drink and drive... I sip and swerve!
APRIL 12TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Thinking of You
Girlfriend, your outfit is pure drama. It's both a tragedy and a comedy.
MARCH 24TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Confession
My dog was really pissed when he found out my asshole doesn't actually taste like peanut butter.
MARCH 20TH, 2012
5.00 (1 votes)
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Encouragement
Don't try to compare yourself to me, that would be a delusion of grandeur.
MARCH 13TH, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Sometimes, I think people are secretly insulting me through Words with Friends.
MARCH 12TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Flirting
Don't worry, you won't get pregnant. That's why its called a pull-out couch!
MARCH 5TH, 2012
4.33 (3 votes)
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Thinking of You
Please tell me why you're crying, I need a good laugh.
MARCH 4TH, 2012
5.00 (2 votes)
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Workplace
I'm totally procrastinating like a motherfucker!
MARCH 4TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Encouragement
Your judgement says more about you than it does about me. So bring it on, bitch!
FEBRUARY 26TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Flirting
No thanks, I already have one asshole down there.
FEBRUARY 21ST, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Farewell
Crack kills.... ...good singers.
FEBRUARY 12TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Crack is wack.
FEBRUARY 12TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
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Reminders
If you ever call me "ma'am" again, I will castrate you.
FEBRUARY 9TH, 2012
0.00 (0 votes)
