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Somewhat Topical
Feel free to knock me up on prom night because I'm now old enough to buy Plan B in the morning.
APRIL 30TH, 2009
4.22 (9 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
I really miss the bird flu.
APRIL 30TH, 2009
4.00 (5 votes)
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Sports
Sorry your team got really shitty draft picks.
APRIL 30TH, 2009
5.00 (1 votes)
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Cinco de Mayo
This Cinco de Mayo, let's go out for pork carnitas to celebrate the fact we haven't yet contracted the swine flu.
APRIL 27TH, 2009
3.50 (2 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Please continue to panic---the ape flu will follow in a few weeks.
APRIL 27TH, 2009
4.00 (1 votes)
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Flirting
Please don't let the fact that I'm neurotic, compulsive, cynical, and maladjusted keep you from asking me out.
APRIL 24TH, 2009
4.40 (5 votes)
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Breakup
Your poor grammar and spelling have finally pushed me over the edge.
APRIL 24TH, 2009
4.12 (8 votes)
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Cry for Help
People who misuse "your" and "you're" and "there," "their," and "they're" make me want to punch them.
APRIL 24TH, 2009
4.60 (5 votes)
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College
I highly recommend graduate school as a way to avoid the real world for 2 to 5 additional years.
APRIL 24TH, 2009
4.60 (10 votes)
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Cinco de Mayo
Here's hoping you and your friends get drunk on tequila and your exes choke on tortilla chips.
APRIL 24TH, 2009
5.00 (2 votes)
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Reminders
Don't forget to manscape before we hook up tonight.
APRIL 24TH, 2009
4.33 (3 votes)
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Apology
Sorry I couldn't maintain an erection.
APRIL 22ND, 2009
3.50 (4 votes)
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Somewhat Topical
Miss California doesn't think gays should marry--and I think stupid people shouldn't be given a microphone on TV.
APRIL 22ND, 2009
4.27 (11 votes)
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Breakup
My astrologer informed me our rising signs are incompatible.
APRIL 22ND, 2009
3.00 (2 votes)
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Friendship
Let's go out and score free drinks from douchebags.
APRIL 22ND, 2009
4.20 (5 votes)
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Confession
I sometimes worry if whether the fact that I love to swallow means I'm not a true vegetarian.
APRIL 22ND, 2009
4.14 (7 votes)
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Friendship
Let's cyberstalk our ex-boyfriends and pretend that we are over them.
APRIL 22ND, 2009
4.00 (5 votes)
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Music
At least your music is more miserable than you.
APRIL 22ND, 2009
3.00 (4 votes)
