I'd have a very healthy sex life if my hand was a vagina.
I thought your idea to use my idea was a great idea.
If they ever made a movie about my life it would go straight to DVD.
Just wanted to remind you that I'm still fucking awesome.
Let it suck! Let it suck! Let it suck!
Good luck ruling North Korea, you've got some pretty tall shoes to fill.
I'm protesting Wallstreet by occupying Couchstreet.
When I die, I hope I go to iHeaven like Steve Jobs.
Let's not complicate things with words or feelings.
We should do it like rabbits - in a cage while eating our own poop.
I'm sorry you didn't experience the death and destruction you were prepared for .
Thanks for letting me use the word "Jedi" in Scrabble last night.
Unlike sharks, I am not attracted to you when you have your period.
I need help cleansing my DVR of all these "Hoarders" episodes I've been meaning to watch.
I like that you Oned my Facebook Like.
Duct Tape Use #456: kill your child and get away with it.
I think we should just be avatars.
I'm running out of things to complain about.
