-
Christmas Season
Daddy said he left a yule log in the toilet for Mommy to find.
DECEMBER 22ND, 2011
4.50 (2 votes)
-
Breakup
I don't think its odd at all that after you asked Steve for a divorce he said, "Let's go to Aruba for a long weekend."
DECEMBER 21ST, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
-
Christmas Season
I just want to apologize in advance for throwing up in your car after making out with you at the company Christmas party tomorrow.
DECEMBER 19TH, 2011
5.00 (2 votes)
-
Wedding
In just 6 minutes your last name will be Turtleman! Congratulations on your Weddin'.
DECEMBER 19TH, 2011
5.00 (1 votes)
-
Somewhat Topical
I didn't even know that Kim Jong was il.
DECEMBER 19TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
-
Apology
Sorry you thought it was a surprise Birthday Party when actually it was your intervention.
DECEMBER 12TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
-
Christmas Season
I asked for a HONEY BADGER...not a puppy!
NOVEMBER 30TH, 2011
3.33 (3 votes)
-
Christmas Season
Santa, when you said, "Ho Ho Ho!" I thought, maybe, the Kardashians were behind me.
NOVEMBER 30TH, 2011
4.00 (8 votes)
-
Birthday
Happy Birthday to a woman who has everything...except a man.
JANUARY 7TH, 2011
4.75 (4 votes)
-
Birthday
Happy Birthday to a man who has everything...except a large penis.
JANUARY 5TH, 2011
5.00 (3 votes)
-
Somewhat Topical
Hooray! We're getting vaccinated. No small pox or polio for us!
JANUARY 5TH, 2011
0.00 (0 votes)
-
Christmas Season
Sorry that no one at your work did a "Secret Rabbi" for you.
DECEMBER 15TH, 2010
4.25 (4 votes)
-
Workplace
If I wanted your opinion I would have asked our boss to fart.
DECEMBER 15TH, 2010
3.33 (3 votes)
-
Apology
I'm sorry that I accidentally ass-dialed you while I was having sex with your sister...my dear.
DECEMBER 12TH, 2010
3.00 (3 votes)
-
Christmas Season
I didn't know your brother was seriously dyslexic when I bought him a Kindle for Xmas. Just tell him its a Sudoku machine.
DECEMBER 12TH, 2010
3.00 (3 votes)
-
Apology
Sorry the HOARDERS production crew found your cat that you thought ran away 14 years ago.
DECEMBER 12TH, 2010
4.50 (2 votes)
-
Christmas Season
Yes, a Pandora bracelet with a single charm in the shape of a puffin is exactly what I wanted for Christmas honey...
DECEMBER 12TH, 2010
4.00 (1 votes)
-
Somewhat Topical
Sorry you went through the security checkpoint 24 times and no TSA agent wanted to pat you down.
DECEMBER 9TH, 2010
3.80 (5 votes)
-
Christmas Season
I'd like a venti double-shot, no-whip, soy, gingerbread latte' with two splendas.
DECEMBER 8TH, 2010
3.00 (4 votes)
-
Christmas Season
I'm averaging 14.2 more houses an hour than last year thanks to Adderall.
DECEMBER 8TH, 2010
4.00 (10 votes)
