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    May Gisele's Super Bowl comments make you less upset you're not dating a supermodel this Valentine's Day.

    May Gisele's Super Bowl comments make you less upset you're not dating a supermodel this Valentine's Day

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    Try not to think about the fact that Newt Gingrich is having more sex than you this Valentine's Day.

    Try not to think about the fact that Newt Gingrich is having more sex than you this Valentine's Day

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    May you finish stronger than the New England Patriots this Valentine's Day.

    May you finish stronger than the New England Patriots this Valentine's Day

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    Don't forget to leave work early today so that people actually think you have Valentine's Day plans.

    Don't forget to leave work early today so that people actually think you have Valentine's Day plans.

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    I wish they could manufacture a holiday that didn't point out my inability to commit.

    I wish they could manufacture a holiday that didn't point out my inability to commit.

  •  

    My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.

    My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection

  •  

    I will always love you, even if I have to always love you from no closer than 300 feet.

    I will always love you, even if I have to always love you from no closer than 300 feet

  •  

    My Valentine runs on batteries.

    My Valentine runs on batteries.

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    Valentine's Day is the perfect time to reflect on all your horrible dating choices since last Valentine's Day.

    Valentine's Day is the perfect time to reflect on all your horrible dating choices since last Valentine's Day

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    I was wondering if you could lend me money for the perfect Valentine's Day date I want to take you on.

    I was wondering if you could lend me money for the perfect Valentine's Day date I want to take you on

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    Happy Valentine's Day to the person I've slept with most recently.

    Happy Valentine's Day to the person I've slept with most recently.

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    Congratulations on being my first repeat Valentine.

    Congratulations on being my first repeat Valentine

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    Just remember that being alone on Valentine's Day is no different than any other day of your life.

    Just remember that being alone on Valentine's Day is no different than any other day of your life

  •  

    I'm more scared of screwing up Valentine's Day than screwing up our relationship.

    I'm more scared of screwing up Valentine's Day than screwing up our relationship

  •  

    The only thing worse than spending Valentine's Day with a Steelers fan would be spending Valentine's Day with a Steelers quarterback.

    The only thing worse than spending Valentine's Day with a Steelers fan would be spending Valentine's Day with a Steelers quarterback

  •  

    I promise to always tell you the truth about whether or not you look fat if you promise not to get fat.

    I promise to always tell you the truth about whether or not you look fat if you promise not to get fat

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    I promise to give a less embarrassing performance this Valentine's Day than musical performers did at the Super Bowl.

    I promise to give a less embarrassing performance this Valentine's Day than musical performers did at the Super Bowl

  •  

    This Valentine's Day, expect the finest flowers still available on Valentine's Day.

    This Valentine's Day, expect the finest flowers still available on Valentine's Day

  •  

    Valentine's Day and Black History Month are sad reminders of how lonely and white I am.

    Valentine's Day and Black History Month are sad reminders of how lonely and white I am

  •  

    I love you more than Egyptians hate Mubarak.

    I love you more than Egyptians hate Mubarak

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