Thanks for giving me a Valentine's Day I don't actually have to lie about
I feel like I could listen to you forever in 140-character-or-less increments
Sorry the only ring you're wearing this Valentine's Day is a contraceptive in your vagina
Remember not to wear yourself out with the SI Swimsuit Issue before our Valentine's Day date
May your love for me not fade as quickly as your love for Obama
Just sending a preemptive apology since Valentine's Day can't possibly live up to your expectations
I'd like to plug my avatar's queue into your worm-like neural fibers, if you know what I mean
Nothing Steve Jobs ever creates could fully replace you in my life
Let's have a passionate but short-lived love affair like America is having with the Saints
Be my Valentine and you may benefit from the impulsive spending of my Super Bowl winnings
Show how much you care this Valentine's Day by not picking her up in a Toyota
Try not to savagely assault happy couples this Valentine's Day
