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Valentine's Day / Displaying 1- 20 of 75

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If I had balls, I'd shave them for you this Valentine's Day

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Don't forget that blow jobs are like flowers for men

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This is the perfect night to troll the city for undatable alcoholics

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Get your socks off and a condom on

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I want to wake up in your legs

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Nothing Steve Jobs ever creates could fully replace you in my life

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May your love for me not fade as quickly as your love for Obama

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You make me feel like a pudgy, naked, winged child has shot an arrow into my chest cavity

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I could watch TV with you forever

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Someday I'd like you to be my emergency contact person

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This past month has been the best long-term relationship of my life

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Someday I want to adopt an Asian baby with you

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I'd like to dedicate this boner to you

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I'm glad you recognize how terrible your life would be without me

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I love you like a cannibal loves human flesh

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I want to grow old and disgusting with you

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You're someone I really feel like I can sleep with sober

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Let's break out the special lube tonight

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I'm in love and not afraid to annoy the shit out of everyone

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I'm ready to change my Facebook relationship status if you are

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