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    Be my Valentine and you may benefit from the impulsive spending of my Super Bowl winnings.

    Be my Valentine and you may benefit from the impulsive spending of my Super Bowl winnings

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    This Valentine's Day, I want you to know exactly how I feel about you in someone else's words.

    This Valentine's Day, I want you to know exactly how I feel about you in someone else's words

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    Nothing Steve Jobs ever created could fully replace you in my life.

    Nothing Steve Jobs ever created could fully replace you in my life

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    Let's ironically celebrate Valentine's Day by going on a date.

    Let's ironically celebrate Valentine's Day by going on a date

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    I'd like to plug my avatar's queue into your worm-like neural fibers, if you know what I mean.

    I'd like to plug my avatar's queue into your worm-like neural fibers, if you know what I mean

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    As fuck buddies, we should fuck this Valentine's Day.

    As fuck buddies, we should fuck this Valentine's Day

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    Just sending a preemptive apology since Valentine's Day can't possibly live up to your expectations.

    Just sending a preemptive apology since Valentine's Day can't possibly live up to your expectations

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    There's no one else I'd rather spend this annual obligation with.

    There's no one else I'd rather spend this annual obligation with

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    May your love for me not fade as quickly as your love for Obama.

    May your love for me not fade as quickly as your love for Obama

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    I love you more than Egyptians hate Mubarak.

    I love you more than Egyptians hate Mubarak

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    Remember not to wear yourself out with the SI Swimsuit Issue before our Valentine's Day date.

    Remember not to wear yourself out with the SI Swimsuit Issue before our Valentine's Day date

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    Try not to think about the fact that Newt Gingrich is having more sex than you this Valentine's Day.

    Try not to think about the fact that Newt Gingrich is having more sex than you this Valentine's Day

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    Sorry the only ring you're wearing this Valentine's Day is a contraceptive in your vagina.

    Sorry the only ring you're wearing this Valentine's Day is a contraceptive in your vagina

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    May Gisele's Super Bowl comments make you less upset you're not dating a supermodel this Valentine's Day.

    May Gisele's Super Bowl comments make you less upset you're not dating a supermodel this Valentine's Day

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    I'm sure nothing in the movie Valentine's Day could top your plan for us unless your plan is to see Valentine's Day.

    I'm sure nothing in the movie Valentine's Day could top your plan for us unless your plan is to see Valentine's Day

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    I love you more than Newt Gingrich loves abandoning a sick wife.

    I love you more than Newt Gingrich loves abandoning a sick wife

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    Let's watch your shows this Valentine's Day.

    Let's watch your shows this Valentine's Day

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    Let's celebrate not having to celebrate Valentine's Day.

    Let's celebrate not having to celebrate Valentine's Day

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    Be on the short list to be my Valentine.

    Be on the short list to be my Valentine

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    This Valentine's Day, expect the finest flowers still available on Valentine's Day.

    This Valentine's Day, expect the finest flowers still available on Valentine's Day

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