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    This Veterans Day, I'd like to thank you for keeping America safer by never enlisting in the military.

    This Veterans Day, I'd like to thank you for keeping America safer by never enlisting in the military

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    Sorry the America you fought for is a place that would make the movie Jack and Jill.

    Sorry the America you fought for is a place that would make the movie Jack and Jill

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    Happy Veterans day from your illegitimate Vietnamese daughter.

    Happy Veterans day from your illegitimate Vietnamese daughter.

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    Let's thank WWII vets for defeating Hitler and making America safe for lunatics who compare our leaders to Hitler.

    Let's thank WWII vets for defeating Hitler and making America safe for lunatics who compare our leaders to Hitler

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    Happy Veterans Day from someone who can barely handle the simulated warfare of video games.

    Happy Veterans Day from someone who can barely handle the simulated warfare of video games

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    Should our country ever call on us to serve, let's cowardly flee to somewhere better than Canada.

    Should our country ever call on us to serve, let's cowardly flee to somewhere better than Canada

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    I'd do anything to honor our veterans, short of sitting through a Veterans Day gathering, parade, or speech.

    I'd do anything to honor our veterans, short of sitting through a Veterans Day gathering, parade, or speech

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    Thanks for doing what I'm way too big of a pussy to do.

    Thanks for doing what I'm way too big of a pussy to do

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    It's heroic service like yours that reminds me how meaningless my life is.

    It's heroic service like yours that reminds me how meaningless my life is

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    Thanks for serving our country so I can sit home and watch war movies.

    Thanks for serving our country so I can sit home and watch war movies

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    Congratulations on being a veteran who served only in peacetime.

    Congratulations on being a veteran who served only in peacetime

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