What kind of fast food won't we be allowed to call 911 to complain about next?


The Man doesn't care about how soggy your noodles are. (via Thinkstock)

Bad news, fellow freedom-loving patriots. In this increasingly militaristic police state we call the United States, you are no longer allowed to call 911 to tell the authorities that your delivery Chinese food is "not up to par for [your] liking."

A 44-year-old Alliance, Ohio woman learned this lesson the hard way recently when she picked up the phone and dialed a 9 and two 1s to inform the state-run emergency telephone service—which is paid for with your tax dollars!—that the Asian-style cuisine she ordered from a local restaurant could have been prepared a little bit better. The woman was charged with "charged with misuse of 911" and will have to defend herself in court in the coming days.

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It gives me no pleasure to report this harrowing story to you. The American Eagle that lives inside my heart is literally weeping tears of blood as I write these words.

Sources: US News