This video had us from the opening disclaimer, and we're glad we stuck around for every completely insane second of it. To think, for years we've been fighting off our rapists the old-fashioned way: by fighting. Turns out all we had to do was immediately destroy our pants with excrement and bite into his junk like fresh produce. Thank you, Lou Casamassa — we're glad to see your denim karate uniform is only one of your many brilliant ideas.

Sources: The High Definite