May. 17th, 2012
I'd love to attend your wedding if it wasn't going to put overwhelming pressure on me to have my own.
May. 17th, 2012
Good luck still wanting to get married by the time your wedding day arrives.
Jun. 26th, 2009
We're happy that you were able to come to the wedding despite not having time to RSVP with the self addressed, pre-paid envelope we sent you months ago.
May. 19th, 2011
It's not premarital sex if you never get married.
May. 28th, 2010
May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.
Apr. 14th, 2007
I'm happy for you and ashamed of being single.
May. 27th, 2009
It would mean a lot to me if your wedding guest list included fewer family members and more hot, horny, single women.
Apr. 27th, 2008
I can't wait for you to meet my flavor-of-the-month boyfriend on the most important day of your life.
Jun. 1st, 2008
We'll always cherish the item we exchanged your gift for.
Apr. 27th, 2007
It's going to be a great first marriage.
May. 18th, 2007
It would be an honor to ruin your wedding.
Aug. 23rd, 2007
Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity.
May. 31st, 2009
I want to build a life and corresponding mountain of debt with you.
May. 21st, 2008
Thanks for believing I can conceivably fill the "plus one" and not mocking me when I can't.
Apr. 27th, 2008
Do me the honor of being my trophy wife.
Aug. 5th, 2007
I can barely remember the last time I saw a Jew marry a Jew.
Jan. 12th, 2012
I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.
May. 11th, 2009
We've jointly decided to medicate our marital discord with food.
May. 31st, 2009
I can't wait to get pictures of your wedding so I can replace your spouse with awkwardly cut-out photos of myself.
Apr. 24th, 2009
If you were very credibly accused of murdering an erotic services provider you met via online classifieds, I'd almost definitely call off our wedding.
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