• May. 17th, 2012

    I'd love to attend your wedding if it wasn't going to put overwhelming pressure on me to have my own.

    I'd love to attend your wedding if it wasn't going to put overwhelming pressure on me to have my own.

  • May. 17th, 2012

    Good luck still wanting to get married by the time your wedding day arrives.

    Good luck still wanting to get married by the time your wedding day arrives.

  • Apr. 16th, 2012

    May Angelina Jolie not ruin wedding season for brides who weigh over 84 pounds.

    May Angelina Jolie not ruin wedding season for brides who weigh over 84 pounds.

  • Mar. 27th, 2012

    I'm really looking forward to the non-existent wedding you're planning on Pinterest.

    I'm really looking forward to the non-existent wedding you're planning on Pinterest.

  • Jan. 12th, 2012

    I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.

    I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.

  • Aug. 18th, 2011

    Here's hoping Kim Kardashian's marriage lasts until her wedding special airs in October.

    Here's hoping Kim Kardashian's marriage lasts until her wedding special airs in October.

  • Jun. 28th, 2011

    Sorry your alarmingly reckless celebration of gay marriage legalization has made no one want to marry you.

    Sorry your alarmingly reckless celebration of gay marriage legalization has made no one want to marry you.

  • Jun. 27th, 2011

    I support gay marriage and oppose buying more wedding gifts.

    I support gay marriage and oppose buying more wedding gifts.

  • May. 19th, 2011

    It's not premarital sex if you never get married.

    It's not premarital sex if you never get married.

  • Dec. 12th, 2009

    Sorry your entire life seems like a letdown after your ridiculously over-the-top wedding.

    Sorry your entire life seems like a letdown after your ridiculously over-the-top wedding.

  • Apr. 25th, 2011

    I'll marry you if you promise to stop talking about the royal wedding.

    I'll marry you if you promise to stop talking about the royal wedding.

  • Apr. 22nd, 2011

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

  • Nov. 13th, 2010

    I Love That New Wife Smell.

    I Love That New Wife Smell.

  • Oct. 22nd, 2010

    Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.

    Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.

  • Aug. 2nd, 2010

    May your wedding weekend never be overshadowed by the daughter of a former president or the daughter of Homer Simpson.

    May your wedding weekend never be overshadowed by the daughter of a former president or the daughter of Homer Simpson.

  • Jul. 30th, 2010

    I'd invite you to my wedding even if you beat my mom in a presidential election.

    I'd invite you to my wedding even if you beat my mom in a presidential election.

  • Jun. 25th, 2010

    Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

    Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

  • May. 21st, 2010

    I can't wait for your wedding reception to show everyone why I'm divorced.

    I can't wait for your wedding reception to show everyone why I'm divorced.

  • May. 28th, 2010

    May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.

    May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.

  • May. 24th, 2010

    Your wedding Web site makes me wonder if you're straight enough to get married.

    Your wedding Web site makes me wonder if you're straight enough to get married.

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