May. 17th, 2012
I'd love to attend your wedding if it wasn't going to put overwhelming pressure on me to have my own.
May. 17th, 2012
Good luck still wanting to get married by the time your wedding day arrives.
Apr. 16th, 2012
May Angelina Jolie not ruin wedding season for brides who weigh over 84 pounds.
Mar. 27th, 2012
I'm really looking forward to the non-existent wedding you're planning on Pinterest.
Jan. 12th, 2012
I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.
Aug. 18th, 2011
Here's hoping Kim Kardashian's marriage lasts until her wedding special airs in October.
Jun. 28th, 2011
Sorry your alarmingly reckless celebration of gay marriage legalization has made no one want to marry you.
Jun. 27th, 2011
I support gay marriage and oppose buying more wedding gifts.
May. 19th, 2011
It's not premarital sex if you never get married.
Dec. 12th, 2009
Sorry your entire life seems like a letdown after your ridiculously over-the-top wedding.
Apr. 25th, 2011
I'll marry you if you promise to stop talking about the royal wedding.
Apr. 22nd, 2011
Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.
Nov. 13th, 2010
I Love That New Wife Smell.
Oct. 22nd, 2010
Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.
Aug. 2nd, 2010
May your wedding weekend never be overshadowed by the daughter of a former president or the daughter of Homer Simpson.
Jul. 30th, 2010
I'd invite you to my wedding even if you beat my mom in a presidential election.
Jun. 25th, 2010
Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
May. 21st, 2010
I can't wait for your wedding reception to show everyone why I'm divorced.
May. 28th, 2010
May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.
May. 24th, 2010
Your wedding Web site makes me wonder if you're straight enough to get married.