• refine by:
sort-by: Most Popular | Newest
  •  

    Good luck still wanting to get married by the time your wedding day arrives.

    Good luck still wanting to get married by the time your wedding day arrives.

  •  

    It's not premarital sex if you never get married.

    It's not premarital sex if you never get married.

  •  

    May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.

    May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.

  •  

    I can barely remember the last time I saw a Jew marry a Jew.

    I can barely remember the last time I saw a Jew marry a Jew

  •  

    Thanks for believing I can conceivably fill the 'plus one' and not mocking me when I can't.

    Thanks for believing I can conceivably fill the "plus one" and not mocking me when I can't

  •  

    I'd love to attend your wedding if it wasn't going to put overwhelming pressure on me to have my own.

    I'd love to attend your wedding if it wasn't going to put overwhelming pressure on me to have my own.

  •  

    Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity.

    Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity

  •  

    Let me know if your bachelorette party needs a discount-rate stripper.

    Let me know if your bachelorette party needs a discount-rate stripper

  •  

    I'm so happy I forced you into marrying me.

    I'm so happy I forced you into marrying me

  •  

    You're the most beautiful wife I've ever had.

    You're the most beautiful wife I've ever had

  •  

    I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.

    I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.

  •  

    We've jointly decided to medicate our marital discord with food.

    We've jointly decided to medicate our marital discord with food.

  •  

    I can't wait to get pictures of your wedding so I can replace your spouse with awkwardly cut-out photos of myself.

    I can't wait to get pictures of your wedding so I can replace your spouse with awkwardly cut-out photos of myself.

  •  

    If you were very credibly accused of murdering an erotic services provider you met via online classifieds, I'd almost definitely call off our wedding.

    If you were very credibly accused of murdering an erotic services provider you met via online classifieds, I'd almost definitely call off our wedding.

  •  

    Sorry your entire life seems like a letdown after your ridiculously over-the-top wedding.

    Sorry your entire life seems like a letdown after your ridiculously over-the-top wedding.

  •  

    I can't wait for your wedding reception to show everyone why I'm divorced.

    I can't wait for your wedding reception to show everyone why I'm divorced.

  •  

    We're happy that you were able to come to the wedding despite not having time to RSVP with the self addressed, pre-paid envelope we sent you months ago.

    We're happy that you were able to come to the wedding despite not having time to RSVP with the self addressed, pre-paid envelope we sent you months ago.

  •  

    I Love That New Wife Smell.

    I Love That New Wife Smell

  •  

    It's appropriate that I wear your mother's wedding gown, as I plan on becoming as big a whore as she is.

    It's appropriate that I wear your mother's wedding gown, as I plan on becoming as big a whore as she is.

  •  

    Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.

    Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.

DON'T MISS THIS