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    Let's decide who we're inviting to our wedding and who will never speak to us again.

    Let's decide who we're inviting to our wedding and who will never speak to us again

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    I just thought of the perfect wedding gift for you but a year has already passed.

    I just thought of the perfect wedding gift for you but a year has already passed

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    I can't wait to get pictures of your wedding so I can replace your spouse with awkwardly cut-out photos of myself.

    I can't wait to get pictures of your wedding so I can replace your spouse with awkwardly cut-out photos of myself.

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    Thanks for not saying no.

    Thanks for not saying no

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    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty

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    Welcome to the family.

    Welcome to the family

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    Let's overpay a god-awful DJ to drunkenly push buttons on my iPod.

    Let's overpay a god-awful DJ to drunkenly push buttons on my iPod

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    We've set the date for our same-sex wedding and homophobic relatives' mass stroke.

    We've set the date for our same-sex wedding and homophobic relatives' mass stroke

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    I want to marry you for all the wrong reasons.

    I want to marry you for all the wrong reasons

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    It would mean a lot to me if your wedding guest list included fewer family members and more hot, horny, single women.

    It would mean a lot to me if your wedding guest list included fewer family members and more hot, horny, single women

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    Your sex life is over.

    Your sex life is over

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    Your wedding plans sound really interesting to you.

    Your wedding plans sound really interesting to you

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    Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity.

    Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity

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    I can't wait for you to meet my flavor-of-the-month boyfriend on the most important day of your life.

    I can't wait for you to meet my flavor-of-the-month boyfriend on the most important day of your life

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    Let's critique people's wedding announcements.

    Let's critique people's wedding announcements

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    I want to trick a Jewish man into marrying me.

    I want to trick a Jewish man into marrying me

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    Sorry my wedding toast ruined your honeymoon.

    Sorry my wedding toast ruined your honeymoon

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    Here's hoping Kim Kardashian's marriage lasts until her wedding special airs in October.

    Here's hoping Kim Kardashian's marriage lasts until her wedding special airs in October

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    You'll never guess what I got you from your registry of pre-selected gifts.

    You'll never guess what I got you from your registry of pre-selected gifts

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    Son, I've never been less ashamed of you.

    Son, I've never been less ashamed of you

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