Let me know if your bachelorette party needs a discount-rate stripper
I hope your interfaith wedding leaves everyone feeling like their religion won
I want to build a life and corresponding mountain of debt with you
Congratulations on sleeping with the same person for the rest of eternity
You'll never guess what I got you from your registry of pre-selected gifts
I wish I could remember all the weddings that ensured I'm not invited to any more weddings
I'm attending a beautiful wedding in a hideous bridesmaid dress
My paralyzing fear of giving best man speeches prevents me from being anyone's closest friend
I'm glad we forced our loved ones to buy us tons of stupid crap
I'm glad we'll have a night to rehearse getting blind drunk for the actual wedding reception
I can't wait for you to meet my flavor-of-the-month boyfriend on the most important day of your life
I just thought of the perfect wedding gift for you but a year has already passed
Your wedding day is an important milestone in my self-loathing as a single person
