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  •  

    Something about your bachelor party sounds gay.

    Something about your bachelor party sounds gay

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    You'll always be a green card to me.

    You'll always be a green card to me

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    I'm truly overjoyed at being done with the singles scene.

    I'm truly overjoyed at being done with the singles scene

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    There are a few people in this hemisphere who haven't seen your engagement ring.

    There are a few people in this hemisphere who haven't seen your engagement ring

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    I can't wait for your wedding to be my excuse for getting out of another wedding.

    I can't wait for your wedding to be my excuse for getting out of another wedding.

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    You almost made the cut of people we feel bad about not inviting.

    You almost made the cut of people we feel bad about not inviting

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    Your wedding Web site makes me wonder if you're straight enough to get married.

    Your wedding Web site makes me wonder if you're straight enough to get married

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    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty

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    I wish I could remember all the weddings that ensured I'm not invited to any more weddings.

    I wish I could remember all the weddings that ensured I'm not invited to any more weddings

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    Congratulations on somehow not marrying the wrong person.

    Congratulations on somehow not marrying the wrong person

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    I'll always consider you a dear friend who tends to put out at lavish social functions.

    I'll always consider you a dear friend who tends to put out at lavish social functions

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    Your wedding plans sound really interesting to you.

    Your wedding plans sound really interesting to you

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    Thanks for believing I can conceivably fill the 'plus one' and not mocking me when I can't.

    Thanks for believing I can conceivably fill the "plus one" and not mocking me when I can't

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    Let me know if your bachelorette party needs a discount-rate stripper.

    Let me know if your bachelorette party needs a discount-rate stripper

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    I'm really looking forward to the non-existent wedding you're planning on Pinterest.

    I'm really looking forward to the non-existent wedding you're planning on Pinterest

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    Sorry you don't have a violently oppressive military regime to force someone into marrying you.

    Sorry you don't have a violently oppressive military regime to force someone into marrying you.

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    I'd rather you send me ricin than an invitation to your wedding.

    I'd rather you send me ricin than an invitation to your wedding.

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    I hope your interfaith wedding leaves everyone feeling like their religion won.

    I hope your interfaith wedding leaves everyone feeling like their religion won

  •  

    Congratulations on probably not dying alone.

    Congratulations on probably not dying alone

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    We can't afford you catching the bouquet.

    We can't afford you catching the bouquet

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