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Let's critique people's wedding announcements

Please feel free to call me if your marriage falls apart

May your wedding weekend never be overshadowed by the daughter of a former president or the daughter of Homer Simpson

May Angelina Jolie not ruin wedding season for brides who weigh over 84 pounds

Let's focus on pairing single guests to avoid the reality of spending eternity as a couple

Please don't sit me at a loser table

Let me know if your bachelorette party needs a discount-rate stripper

I'm glad we forced our loved ones to buy us tons of stupid crap

Sorry I spent three seconds reviewing the wedding invitation you spent three months on

Being a groomsman means a lot to me and the bridesmaids I'll try to fondle

Your wedding gift will be our travel expenses

Now that we've undertaken the sacred vows of marriage, let's try to cut down on fucking other dudes

Thanks for not saying no

I'm on a diet until the wedding's over

I want to marry you for all the wrong reasons

I'd be honored if you would consider affixing your last name to mine with a hyphen

Congratulations on marrying the next person you dated after me

Please feel no obligation to invite me to your gay bachelor party

Your wedding day is an important milestone in my self-loathing as a single person

Your sex life is over

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