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    I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.

    I'm going to do everything in my power to make your bachelorette party all about me.

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    Here's hoping Kim Kardashian's marriage lasts until her wedding special airs in October.

    Here's hoping Kim Kardashian's marriage lasts until her wedding special airs in October

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    Sorry your alarmingly reckless celebration of gay marriage legalization has made no one want to marry you.

    Sorry your alarmingly reckless celebration of gay marriage legalization has made no one want to marry you

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    I support gay marriage and oppose buying more wedding gifts.

    I support gay marriage and oppose buying more wedding gifts

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    It's not premarital sex if you never get married.

    It's not premarital sex if you never get married.

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    Sorry your entire life seems like a letdown after your ridiculously over-the-top wedding.

    Sorry your entire life seems like a letdown after your ridiculously over-the-top wedding.

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    I'll marry you if you promise to stop talking about the royal wedding.

    I'll marry you if you promise to stop talking about the royal wedding

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    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty.

    Unlike Prince William, you can be sure no one will marry you for fame, fortune, or royalty

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    I Love That New Wife Smell.

    I Love That New Wife Smell

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    Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.

    Congratulations on starting your new life together of being constantly mistaken for father and daughter.

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    May your wedding weekend never be overshadowed by the daughter of a former president or the daughter of Homer Simpson.

    May your wedding weekend never be overshadowed by the daughter of a former president or the daughter of Homer Simpson

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    I'd invite you to my wedding even if you beat my mom in a presidential election.

    I'd invite you to my wedding even if you beat my mom in a presidential election

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    Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

    Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

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    I can't wait for your wedding reception to show everyone why I'm divorced.

    I can't wait for your wedding reception to show everyone why I'm divorced.

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    May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.

    May your regrettable behavior this weekend occur primarily off-camera.

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    Your wedding Web site makes me wonder if you're straight enough to get married.

    Your wedding Web site makes me wonder if you're straight enough to get married

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    Your wedding day is an important milestone in my self-loathing as a single person.

    Your wedding day is an important milestone in my self-loathing as a single person

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    I hope your interfaith wedding leaves everyone feeling like their religion won.

    I hope your interfaith wedding leaves everyone feeling like their religion won

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    We're happy that you were able to come to the wedding despite not having time to RSVP with the self addressed, pre-paid envelope we sent you months ago.

    We're happy that you were able to come to the wedding despite not having time to RSVP with the self addressed, pre-paid envelope we sent you months ago.

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    I'm sure I'll enjoy your wedding despite not enjoying any other wedding I've ever been to.

    I'm sure I'll enjoy your wedding despite not enjoying any other wedding I've ever been to

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