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    I would find your unwanted marital advice more comforting if you were still married.

    I would find your unwanted marital advice more comforting if you were still married.

  •  

    Congratulations on your latest marriage.

    Congratulations on your latest marriage.

  •  

    Sorry you can't afford to have a wedding because you spent all your money on attending other peoples' weddings.

    Sorry you can't afford to have a wedding because you spent all your money on attending other peoples' weddings.

  •  

    I hope you're not upset that I've slept with half the people we're inviting to our wedding.

    I hope you're not upset that I've slept with half the people we're inviting to our wedding.

  •  

    I hope anyone is as excited about your wedding as they are about the return of Arrested Development.

    I hope anyone is as excited about your wedding as they are about the return of Arrested Development.

  •  

    Thank you for constantly reminding us you're a low-maintenance bride in your daily wedding planning emails.

    Thank you for constantly reminding us you're a low-maintenance bride in your daily wedding planning emails.

  •  

    I'd rather you send me ricin than an invitation to your wedding.

    I'd rather you send me ricin than an invitation to your wedding.

  •  

    Congratulations on making your inevitable breakup expensive and legally complicated.

    Congratulations on making your inevitable breakup expensive and legally complicated.

  •  

    Let's elope and piss everyone off equally.

    Let's elope and piss everyone off equally.

  •  

    Thanks to all my friends this wedding season for being too immature or undateable to get married.

    Thanks to all my friends this wedding season for being too immature or undateable to get married.

  •  

    Let's have a Game of Thrones amount of hookers at your bachelor party.

    Let's have a Game of Thrones amount of hookers at your bachelor party.

  •  

    Happy Drunk Bride-To-Be With A Giant Penis On Her Head Assaulting You In A Bar Season.

    Happy Drunk Bride-To-Be With A Giant Penis On Her Head Assaulting You In A Bar Season.

  •  

    May your bachelorette party be so fun that you don't notice how annoyed the rest of the bar is.

    May your bachelorette party be so fun that you don't notice how annoyed the rest of the bar is.

  •  

    We can hardly wait for you to blow your tax refund on our destination wedding.

    We can hardly wait for you to blow your tax refund on our destination wedding.

  •  

    I'm saving chastity for marriage.

    I'm saving chastity for marriage.

  •  

    Congratulations on never having to attempt to fit into your wedding dress again.

    Congratulations on never having to attempt to fit into your wedding dress again.

  •  

    You're invited to join me in pretending this is the last time I'll ever go to a strip club.

    You're invited to join me in pretending this is the last time I'll ever go to a strip club.

  •  

    Congratulations on officially being entitled to take half his stuff if he ever cheats on you.

    Congratulations on officially being entitled to take half his stuff if he ever cheats on you.

  •  

    Thanks for buying an item off our wedding registry that wasn't put there by my spouse.

    Thanks for buying an item off our wedding registry that wasn't put there by my spouse.

  •  

    Sorry you don't have a violently oppressive military regime to force someone into marrying you.

    Sorry you don't have a violently oppressive military regime to force someone into marrying you.

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