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    Sorry my body still being in the office confused you into believing my mind hadn't already left for the weekend.

    Sorry my body still being in the office confused you into believing my mind hadn't already left for the weekend.

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    I'm falling in love with you and would like to go on a second date.

    I'm falling in love with you and would like to go on a second date

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    I hope your weekend isn't as lonely as Lance Armstrong's testicle.

    I hope your weekend isn't as lonely as Lance Armstrong's testicle.

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    Even God is tired of reading your TGIF posts on Facebook.

    Even God is tired of reading your TGIF posts on Facebook.

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    I obeyed all the traffic laws, except the one about drunk driving.

    I obeyed all the traffic laws, except the one about drunk driving

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    Just wondering on a scale from 1 to David Hasselhoff how drunk you were planning on getting this evening.

    Just wondering on a scale from 1 to David Hasselhoff how drunk you were planning on getting this evening.

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    Let's alternate blackouts so we can piece together our night.

    Let's alternate blackouts so we can piece together our night.

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    I'll try anything once or until it kills me.

    I'll try anything once or until it kills me.

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    I'm just going to go ahead and assume you're not doing anything this weekend.

    I'm just going to go ahead and assume you're not doing anything this weekend.

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    If I overdose, you have my permission to dump my corpse at another location so you don't have to talk to police.

    If I overdose, you have my permission to dump my corpse at another location so you don't have to talk to police.

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    I can't wait for the weekend so I can sit at home and wish I had something better to do.

    I can't wait for the weekend so I can sit at home and wish I had something better to do.

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    I intend to spend my day doing as little as is humanly possible without actually dying.

    I intend to spend my day doing as little as is humanly possible without actually dying.

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    I'm counting on you to cancel our plans this weekend.

    I'm counting on you to cancel our plans this weekend.

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    Here's to another Friday evening of false optimism about the weekend.

    Here's to another Friday evening of false optimism about the weekend.

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    Every day can be Friday if you're really irresponsible.

    Every day can be Friday if you're really irresponsible.

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    I'm not nearly as afraid of Friday the 13th as I am of people who are afraid of Friday the 13th.

    I'm not nearly as afraid of Friday the 13th as I am of people who are afraid of Friday the 13th.

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    The only thing I'll be getting intimate with this weekend is a box of tampons.

    The only thing I'll be getting intimate with this weekend is a box of tampons.

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    Sorry you're an atheist and have no one to thank it's Friday.

    Sorry you're an atheist and have no one to thank it's Friday.

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    I hope we have so much fun tonight that you have to tell me all about it tomorrow.

    I hope we have so much fun tonight that you have to tell me all about it tomorrow.

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    I've been training to party at your level.

    I've been training to party at your level

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