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    I've been training to party at your level.

    I've been training to party at your level

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    I enjoy spending weekend nights reading about interesting things I could have been doing.

    I enjoy spending weekend nights reading about interesting things I could have been doing

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    Spending hundreds of dollars on a marginally different iPhone still isn't the worst decision I'll make this weekend.

    Spending hundreds of dollars on a marginally different iPhone still isn't the worst decision I'll make this weekend.

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    I'm teaching the dog how to babysit.

    I'm teaching the dog how to babysit

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    Hope you have a great time being asleep until Monday morning.

    Hope you have a great time being asleep until Monday morning.

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    Let's do something completely unoriginal tonight.

    Let's do something completely unoriginal tonight

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    Just a reminder for the weekend that Monday will be happening an hour earlier.

    Just a reminder for the weekend that Monday will be happening an hour earlier.

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    Let's plan a weekend getaway alone in our apartments on our computers.

    Let's plan a weekend getaway alone in our apartments on our computers.

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    I'm staying inside this weekend just in case Chris Christie is mad at someone from my town.

    I'm staying inside this weekend just in case Chris Christie is mad at someone from my town.

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    Let's honor the end of Twinkies this weekend by filling ourselves with horrifying chemicals.

    Let's honor the end of Twinkies this weekend by filling ourselves with horrifying chemicals.

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    Expect a drunk dial soon.

    Expect a drunk dial soon

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    Let's party like rock stars who only play video games.

    Let's party like rock stars who only play video games

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    I hope you have as much fun as Joe Biden this weekend before waking up Monday feeling like Paul Ryan.

    I hope you have as much fun as Joe Biden this weekend before waking up Monday feeling like Paul Ryan.

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    I'm worried you're planning on drinking less this Friday due to the short workweek.

    I'm worried you're planning on drinking less this Friday due to the short workweek.

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    I can't wait to barely open the Sunday New York Times.

    I can't wait to barely open the Sunday New York Times

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    Let's go out drinking with your money.

    Let's go out drinking with your money

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    I can't wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.

    I can't wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend

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    I have dinner plans this evening.

    I have dinner plans this evening

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    It's been too long since I felt the mortifying regret of a one-night stand.

    It's been too long since I felt the mortifying regret of a one-night stand

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    It wouldn't be a sausage fest without you.

    It wouldn't be a sausage fest without you

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