I'd ask you to go fuck yourself, but you'd probably just delegate that to me too.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
My door is always open if you ever want to talk about how you can get the fuck out of my office.
When work feels overwhelming, remember that you're going to die.
The morning is a success if I make it to lunch without eating my lunch.
I need a time billing code for not doing shit.
I'm too fat to come into work today.
Thanks for calling to tell me that you just sent me an e-mail.
Our meetings would go much faster if no one spoke.
I couldn't get through Mondays without knowing you're equally miserable.
My strategy for this conference call is to play dead.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
Congratulations on getting promoted to the job you're already doing.
I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.
On your workplace rampage, I'd appreciate being killed last.
Please try to schedule meetings around my job interviews.
Bitching about other people not working really makes the day fly by.
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