• May. 22nd, 2012

    I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.

    I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.

  • May. 21st, 2012

    Thanks for spreading your complaints throughout the workweek instead of voicing them all on Monday.

    Thanks for spreading your complaints throughout the workweek instead of voicing them all on Monday.

  • May. 21st, 2012

    There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work on Mondays.

    There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work on Mondays.

  • May. 15th, 2012

    I hope my Facebook stock earns me enough money to make up for the job I lose for constantly being on Facebook.

    I hope my Facebook stock earns me enough money to make up for the job I lose for constantly being on Facebook.

  • May. 3rd, 2012

    Our office reminds me of The Avengers if the Avengers joined forces every day to do battle against happiness.

    Our office reminds me of The Avengers if the Avengers joined forces every day to do battle against happiness.

  • May. 1st, 2012

    Here's hoping your workday doesn't feel as long as Jessica Simpson's pregnancy.

    Here's hoping your workday doesn't feel as long as Jessica Simpson's pregnancy.

  • May. 1st, 2012

    Tuesday means we're a day closer to a weekend spent dreading Monday.

    Tuesday means we're a day closer to a weekend spent dreading Monday.

  • Apr. 30th, 2012

    The only good thing about seeing my coworkers on Monday is they're the only people I don't have to apologize to for my weekend behavior.

    The only good thing about seeing my coworkers on Monday is they're the only people I don't have to apologize to for my weekend behavior.

  • Apr. 30th, 2012

    Fifty Shades of Grey doesn't hold a candle to the masochism fix I get from coming to work every Monday.

    Fifty Shades of Grey doesn't hold a candle to the masochism fix I get from coming to work every Monday.

  • Apr. 23rd, 2012

    I'm having the worst Monday since last Monday.

    I'm having the worst Monday since last Monday.

  • Apr. 19th, 2012

    Sorry that Colombian prostitutes make more money than you.

    Sorry that Colombian prostitutes make more money than you.

  • Apr. 18th, 2012

    Even a dead Dick Clark has a stronger work ethic than me.

    Even a dead Dick Clark has a stronger work ethic than me.

  • Apr. 10th, 2012

    May you be equally as unfazed as me when you accomplish nothing at work today.

    May you be equally as unfazed as me when you accomplish nothing at work today.

  • Apr. 13th, 2012

    I support abolishing Stand Your Ground laws unless they apply to coworkers entering my cubicle.

    I support abolishing Stand Your Ground laws unless they apply to coworkers entering my cubicle.

  • Apr. 13th, 2012

    I'd dread Friday the 13th much more if it was on a Monday.

    I'd dread Friday the 13th much more if it was on a Monday.

  • Apr. 12th, 2012

    This workday is going slower than a Florida arrest.

    This workday is going slower than a Florida arrest.

  • Mar. 29th, 2012

    Here's hoping me and my coworkers win the Mega Millions so we never have to speak to each other again.

    Here's hoping me and my coworkers win the Mega Millions so we never have to speak to each other again.

  • Mar. 28th, 2012

    Thanks for having your daily meltdowns in a cubicle rather than a cockpit.

    Thanks for having your daily meltdowns in a cubicle rather than a cockpit.

  • Mar. 19th, 2012

    Your complaints about being overworked may be more effective with a naked, pavement-slapping meltdown.

    Your complaints about being overworked may be more effective with a naked, pavement-slapping meltdown.

  • Mar. 19th, 2012

    I'd rather enter the Hunger Games than enter the office on Mondays.

    I'd rather enter the Hunger Games than enter the office on Mondays.

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