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    You're the coworker I miss emailing from a few feet away the most.

    You're the coworker I miss emailing from a few feet away the most.

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    I'm quitting to pursue my dream of not working here.

    I'm quitting to pursue my dream of not working here.

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    It's so quiet in the office today, I can hear myself not working.

    It's so quiet in the office today, I can hear myself not working.

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    I can't tell if I'm hungover or if it's just Monday.

    I can't tell if I'm hungover or if it's just Monday.

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    Wednesday means we’re halfway through half-assing our work for the week.

    Wednesday means we’re halfway through half-assing our work for the week.

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    Welcome to the company.

    Welcome to the company

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    I can't believe it's already time to work through lunch.

    I can't believe it's already time to work through lunch.

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    Drinking at your desk while working late is the new happy hour.

    Drinking at your desk while working late is the new happy hour.

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    The Excel training the company paid for is really going to help me fine tune my March Madness pool bracket selections.

    The Excel training the company paid for is really going to help me fine tune my March Madness pool bracket selections.

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    My resume is basically a list of things I hate to do.

    My resume is basically a list of things I hate to do.

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    Thanks for coming in early and staying late because I have kids and you don't.

    Thanks for coming in early and staying late because I have kids and you don't.

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    I'll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working.

    I'll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working.

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    I've discovered that the only good use for my business card is as an emergency toothpick.

    I've discovered that the only good use for my business card is as an emergency toothpick.

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    Money doesn't solve problems, but it could solve my money problem.

    Money doesn't solve problems, but it could solve my money problem.

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    Thanks for calling to tell me that you just sent me an e-mail.

    Thanks for calling to tell me that you just sent me an e-mail.

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    Enjoy your mandatory vacation.

    Enjoy your mandatory vacation.

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    I realize that you're doing all my work without pay, but I still have to work hard at taking credit for it.

    I realize that you're doing all my work without pay, but I still have to work hard at taking credit for it.

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    Having a job is the new raise.

    Having a job is the new raise.

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    Working is a thankless job.

    Working is a thankless job.

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    I live in fear of never being fired.

    I live in fear of never being fired.

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