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    The only thing that stands between me and a pay raise is ambition.

    The only thing that stands between me and a pay raise is ambition.

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    I'm busy right now but would be happy to ignore you at some other time.

    I'm busy right now but would be happy to ignore you at some other time.

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    Don't interrupt me while I'm in the middle of nothing.

    Don't interrupt me while I'm in the middle of nothing.

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    This chart illustrates my inability to summarize simple data into words.

    This chart illustrates my inability to summarize simple data into words.

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    Thanks for letting me know I'm doing a great job that won't remotely be reflected in my 2.5% raise.

    Thanks for letting me know I'm doing a great job that won't remotely be reflected in my 2.5% raise.

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    Sometimes while at work I ponder the fact that if I was in prison I would at least be rewarded for good behavior.

    Sometimes while at work I ponder the fact that if I was in prison I would at least be rewarded for good behavior.

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    Sorry that the casual outfit you chose to wear on Friday led to the cancellation of Casual Friday.

    Sorry that the casual outfit you chose to wear on Friday led to the cancellation of Casual Friday.

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    The hardest I work is when I'm figuring out how to get out of doing work.

    The hardest I work is when I'm figuring out how to get out of doing work.

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    Pretending to look busy on a Friday is the hardest I work all week.

    Pretending to look busy on a Friday is the hardest I work all week.

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    I want you all to know that because of your hard work all year I got a bigger bonus.

    I want you all to know that because of your hard work all year I got a bigger bonus.

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    Sorry you thought your work email was important enough for me to bother reading on a Friday afternoon.

    Sorry you thought your work email was important enough for me to bother reading on a Friday afternoon.

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    This week was five days too long.

    This week was five days too long.

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    My day job is hating my day job.

    My day job is hating my day job.

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    I'm doing my job one new trainee at a time.

    I'm doing my job one new trainee at a time.

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    You can always bounce an idea off me in the unlikely event that you get one.

    You can always bounce an idea off me in the unlikely event that you get one.

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    I am never late because I'm not supposed to be anywhere.

    I am never late because I'm not supposed to be anywhere.

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    I'm idling on all eight cylinders today.

    I'm idling on all eight cylinders today.

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    Let's have the same meeting multiple times.

    Let's have the same meeting multiple times.

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    I'd have better people skills if I worked with better people.

    I'd have better people skills if I worked with better people.

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    Before you head out on vacation, I just want to say I need you to work instead of heading out on vacation.

    Before you head out on vacation, I just want to say I need you to work instead of heading out on vacation.

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