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    I'm fucking starving.

    I'm fucking starving

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    I'd like to atone for all the obnoxious ecards I've sent you this year.

    I'd like to atone for all the obnoxious ecards I've sent you this year

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    Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is.

    Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is

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    Don't hesitate to contact me if you can't remember the things you should be atoning for.

    Don't hesitate to contact me if you can't remember the things you should be atoning for

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    I'm Jewish today.

    I'm Jewish today

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    I can't wait to break the Yom Kippur fast I'm not keeping.

    I can't wait to break the Yom Kippur fast I'm not keeping

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    It's time to start carbo-loading for my Yom Kippur fast.

    It's time to start carbo-loading for my Yom Kippur fast.

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    Happy Yom Kippur to my grandparents on the one day of the year we're all happy to eat dinner as early as you usually do.

    Happy Yom Kippur to my grandparents on the one day of the year we're all happy to eat dinner as early as you usually do.

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    Happy Yom Kippur to someone who’s getting off far too easily by only having to endure one day of atonement.

    Happy Yom Kippur to someone who’s getting off far too easily by only having to endure one day of atonement.

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    I can't help but wonder what real Jews are doing today.

    I can't help but wonder what real Jews are doing today

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    May God not be all-knowing enough to realize you're just going through the motions this Yom Kippur.

    May God not be all-knowing enough to realize you're just going through the motions this Yom Kippur.

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    Let's embrace our Jewish faith by sleeping until 11:00 a.m. so we can feel slightly hungry for a shorter timespan.

    Let's embrace our Jewish faith by sleeping until 11:00 a.m. so we can feel slightly hungry for a shorter timespan

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    There's no one I'd rather complain about being slightly hungry with than you.

    There's no one I'd rather complain about being slightly hungry with than you.

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    I fast to repent for sins and ideally shed a few pounds.

    I fast to repent for sins and ideally shed a few pounds

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    Remember to atone for not being with your family on the day of atonement.

    Remember to atone for not being with your family on the day of atonement

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    Congratulations on sustaining your Yom Kippur fast until you felt a little bit hungry and had breakfast.

    Congratulations on sustaining your Yom Kippur fast until you felt a little bit hungry and had breakfast.

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    Happy Thinking About Food Even More Than Usual Day.

    Happy Thinking About Food Even More Than Usual Day.

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    May your day of atonement be filled with misery.

    May your day of atonement be filled with misery

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    It seems unfair I need to spend as much time atoning as a deviant like you.

    It seems unfair I need to spend as much time atoning as a deviant like you

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    Fashion Week has reminded me I won't be the only one starving myself on Yom Kippur.

    Fashion Week has reminded me I won't be the only one starving myself on Yom Kippur

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