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    Fasting for Yom Kippur is pretty much the only time I wish I was eating Matzah on Passover.

    Fasting for Yom Kippur is pretty much the only time I wish I was eating Matzah on Passover.

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    Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is.

    Have a good whatever Jewish holiday it is

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    I used to fast on Yom Kippur until I realized nothing would happen if I didn't.

    I used to fast on Yom Kippur until I realized nothing would happen if I didn't

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    I'm Jewish today.

    I'm Jewish today

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    Fashion Week has reminded me I won't be the only one starving myself on Yom Kippur.

    Fashion Week has reminded me I won't be the only one starving myself on Yom Kippur

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    It's time to start carbo-loading for my Yom Kippur fast.

    It's time to start carbo-loading for my Yom Kippur fast.

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    Tomorrow I will atone for barely being a Jew all year.

    Tomorrow I will atone for barely being a Jew all year

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    Happy Yom Kippur to someone who’s getting off far too easily by only having to endure one day of atonement.

    Happy Yom Kippur to someone who’s getting off far too easily by only having to endure one day of atonement.

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    May your day of atonement be filled with misery.

    May your day of atonement be filled with misery

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    May God not be all-knowing enough to realize you're just going through the motions this Yom Kippur.

    May God not be all-knowing enough to realize you're just going through the motions this Yom Kippur.

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    Let's get in some more sinning before the start of Yom Kippur.

    Let's get in some more sinning before the start of Yom Kippur

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    There's no one I'd rather complain about being slightly hungry with than you.

    There's no one I'd rather complain about being slightly hungry with than you.

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    Yom Kippur is the holiday where Jewish guilt is formally imposed.

    Yom Kippur is the holiday where Jewish guilt is formally imposed

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    Remember to atone for not being with your family on the day of atonement.

    Remember to atone for not being with your family on the day of atonement

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    On the holiest day of the year, I will complain about having to go to synagogue.

    On the holiest day of the year, I will complain about having to go to synagogue

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    Happy Thinking About Food Even More Than Usual Day.

    Happy Thinking About Food Even More Than Usual Day.

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    Happy Yom Kippur to my grandparents on the one day of the year we're all happy to eat dinner as early as you usually do.

    Happy Yom Kippur to my grandparents on the one day of the year we're all happy to eat dinner as early as you usually do.

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    It seems unfair I need to spend as much time atoning as a deviant like you.

    It seems unfair I need to spend as much time atoning as a deviant like you

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    Don't hesitate to contact me if you can't remember the things you should be atoning for.

    Don't hesitate to contact me if you can't remember the things you should be atoning for

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    Don't forget to atone this Yom Kippur for worshipping your iPhone 5 more than you worship your God.

    Don't forget to atone this Yom Kippur for worshipping your iPhone 5 more than you worship your God.

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