Advertising - My dog only eats top-quality organic treats and its own feces. - I need a vacation from my vacation spent worrying about my dog in the kennel. - I feed my cats better than I feed myself. - Sorry I'm more emotionally available to my cat than I am to you. - I wish I got even half the exercise that my dog does. - It still feels too soon to introduce you to my cat. - Sorry my parrot learned your sex noises. - I screen dog walkers more rigorously than I do men on dating sites. - I'm fine with being a cat lady if dating you is the alternative. - I take insults to my dog more personally than insults to myself. - I'm willing to date someone with deep-seated psychological issues as long as they don't have cat allergies. - I wish I enjoyed anything as much as my dog enjoys everything. - There's nothing like watching cat videos to help me pass the time until I can see my cat again. - My dog growls at strangers because I can't. - The next time my cat wakes me at 5:00 a.m. to be fed I'm probably going to get out of bed and feed it like I always do. - I challenge you to find a more loyal pet on which to blame your farts. - I wonder if my cat would think I'm too clingy if it ever saw how many of its pictures are on my Facebook page. - I'd appreciate it if you didn't judge my dog solely on its utterly revolting behavior. - My cat and I have decided to stay in tonight. - I love my cat for not judging the horrible things it's seen me do. - In the event of a divorce you can keep the house, car, kids, and all our friends if I can keep the dog. - My cat has better manners than my friends. - The best part of owning a dog is getting to leave places to go walk it. - I've come to terms with the fact that my cat will never be Internet famous. - If you're uncomfortable around my dog, I'm happy to lock you in the other room when you come over. - My cat's absurdly reckless behavior helps me feel less ashamed of my own. - Let's adopt a dog for you to take care of. - I feel terrible getting my cat fixed and relegating it to the same sexless existence as me. - Having a dog is my favorite way to avoid the responsibility of having children.