Internet, meet Mr. Biggles (also known by his more formal name, Lord Bigglesworth).
Mr. Biggles is a cat who is up for adoption at Cat People of Melbourne, an animal rescue located in Melbourne, Australia. The folks that save cats there apparently have a pretty good sense of humor. They penned an extremely honest and darkly funny adoption bio to help their friend Mr. Biggles, who they describe as an "utter bastard of a cat," get adopted.
According to The Huffington Post, the bio was written by the group's founder and coordinator, Gina Brett. In it, she describes Mr. Biggles as "an utter utter bastard" who "does not like to be thwarted."
"Mr. Biggles is a despot and a dictator, he will let you know when he's not happy, which is often because things are often just not up to his high standards," Brett wrote in the ad.
"Mr Biggles likes his cuddles on his terms, and will sit in your lap when he decides it's time. If the stroking is not up to his standards, he will nip you," she continued.
Though the bio stresses that Mr. Biggles is "not a cat for the inexperienced or faint-hearted," it does admit that he has a "secret soft side." He will play nicely with kittens and even enjoys being cuddled occasionally.
After revealing Mr. Biggles' gentle heart, Brett wrote in the adoption ad:
"And now I'm in trouble for telling his softie secrets so I have been ordered to say that Lord Bigglesworth believes he was put on this earth to be decorative and be worshipped by his human slaves!"
It should also be noted that the ad opens by sharing Mr. Biggles' website, utterbastardcat.com (yes, it's real) and an email address to send "media requests or applications for slavery to Lord Bigglesworth."
There are too many things we love about this story. Read Lord Bigglesworth's full bio over on PetRescue.