Volume warning: teen girl losing her sh*t ahead.
Dear Freaked-Out Teen Girl,
I see you've met the manatee. Did you notice that no matter how loudly you shrieked or frantically you kicked, it did nothing? That's because the manatee's enormous body is almost entirely a mixture of fat and chill. The fat lets it float, and the chill lets it enjoy floating. Seriously, that's all it does. I used to live in Florida on a canal, and these blubbery beasts would just show up outside the house and you could toss them lettuce and spray them with hose water and they loved every second of it.
You can pet them. You probably shouldn't, but you can.The only danger they ever faced is the fact that they're too f-ing slow to get out of the way of boats. Their backs are typically covered in depressing scars from propellers, and they still like people.
In conclusion, take a lesson from the manatee and chill. Also, don't swim with a selfie stick. I don't think anything can make a manatee attack a human, but if there was, it'd be that.
P.S. here's the closest thing I could find to a "manatee attack":