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Volume warning: teen girl losing her sh*t ahead.

Dear Freaked-Out Teen Girl,

I see you've met the manatee. Did you notice that no matter how loudly you shrieked or frantically you kicked, it did nothing? That's because the manatee's enormous body is almost entirely a mixture of fat and chill. The fat lets it float, and the chill lets it enjoy floating. Seriously, that's all it does. I used to live in Florida on a canal, and these blubbery beasts would just show up outside the house and you could toss them lettuce and spray them with hose water and they loved every second of it.

Sources: Katie Gingrich