Oh, Google Translate. You make me less afraid of Google. (via Baidu)
Meet Jin Dan. Jin Dan is a Pomeranian who lives in China. Jin Dan's owner, a woman on the Chinese social network Baidu named farcry77, took him to go get a major haircut. When she brought Jin Dan back to the apartment, however, he apparently saw himself in the mirror and stood up in shock. He stayed that way for two days, walking around on hind legs and badly disturbing his owner, who a.) was wondering why he was doing this, b.) afraid of how cranky he was, and c.) probably got tired of looking at his junk all day, and having neighbors look at it when he goes on walks.
Since the most he would do is squat, farcry77 gave Jin Dan some activities to keep him occupied
"You think Internet fame will make up for how my tail looks right now?" (via Baidu)
Being out in public like this didn't seem to phase Jin Dan at all.
What? This would be totally legal in San Francisco even if he was human. (via Baidu)
Choosing to address the dangling-genitals issue head-on, farcry77 tried putting little clothes on her pooch.
Hello, I'd like one human food, please. (via Baidu)
But he would not be contained.
OH, SORRY. MY MUSCLES EXPLODED ALL MY CLOTHES. (via Baidu)
So she scaled back her fashion expectations for Jin Dan.
Coming soon, starring Dwayne Johnson's dog: Fercules. (via Baidu)
The Internet decided that these photos were too good to just leave alone (the Internet rarely leaves good images alone). Now, before I go further, I would like to emphasize that these are from a Chinese social network that is kind of a mashup of every kind of social network. I can't explain them, so don't ask me to.
The victim described him as fluffy and having lifeless, evil black eyes. (via Weibo)
This platypus thing is maybe a mascot of some sort? It showed up a lot. (via Baidu)
This is secretly a critique of Chinese copyright theft. Also, I'd see this movie. (via Baidu)
This would be creepy even if they were humans. (via Baidu)
Thank you, Dragon Ball Z, for being the common language of weird Internet people. (via Baidu)
In the end, Jin Dan went to a vet, who claimed he was psychologically disturbed by the haircut and recommended Jin Dan's owner spend more time with him. Eventually, he calmed down enough to return to return to all fours. Good boy, Jin Dan. Good boy, Internet.
See, Jin Dan? Now you're adorable and not a sex offender. (via Baidu)
(by Johnny McNulty)