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Tortoise, I do not support your life of crime, but I do have some advice: you're never going to get away with a burglary moving that slowly.

Technically, this tortoise, named Joy, lives at the house in this video. But we all know that Joy is just practicing at home in order to break into other houses, right? All she needs is a little mask and maybe a tortoise-sized gun.

That old phrase that cops say really is true: "You never suspect the tortoise."

Sources: h/t BoingBoing | Joseph Miller