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I live with two cats along with my fiancée.

Despite any disparaging remarks I might make about these two felines, I do consider them dear, dear friends. Just like real people, a lot of times your friends can be real dicks.

Dogs have their own issues, but they're usually not dicks. I've always wanted a dog and never had one. My lifestyle is not conducive towards dog ownership. Perhaps this is why I place dog expectations on my cats. Here is how they let me down when compared to dogs:

They aren't happy to see me when I get home.

I briefly convinced myself otherwise. When I come home from work they're always waiting by the door for me. I began to believe this was a form of affection. The truth is they weren't happy to see me at all. They were only happy to see my hand that puts food into their bowls. Instead of jumping on me with excitement, they immediately begin running in circles around their empty bowls and getting mad at me for having to pee.