When you're a parent to young kids, you never know what's going to come out of their mouths. Sometimes they'll accidentally say something to embarrass you beyond all belief, but most of the time it's just purely hilarious. A recent AskReddit thread asked parents to share the funniest lies their kids have ever told them. Here are 11 of the best responses.
1. It's a good thing random_char's son didn't get carded.
We took my 4 yr old son to LegoLand in California. We were waiting in line for a mechanical pony ride that he was very excited for and could do by himself. The attendant was asking every child their age before they got on the ride. We hadn't thought to talk to him about why. When he got to the front of the line, the attendant asked him his age. He hesitated and looked at us. We reassured him. Then as cool and confident as could be he said "um ... 18." Everyone within ear shot was rolling. Apparently he was worried that he wasn't old enough.
2. -teaqueen-'s student is ready for bigger and better things.
I'm a preschool teacher. One of our three year olds who is verrry smart told me "today's my last day as a kid... I start college on Saturday" and let out a huge sigh.
3. weasel999's daughter had to blame her fart on someone.
My daughter was 3 and farted loudly, then said "that was a woodpecker."
4. maddomesticscientist's son made their dog sound like a regular Cujo.
My kid was having trouble making it to the bathroom before he pooped his pants. I was always telling him "If you need to go potty, just put down what you're doing and go. Whatever it is can wait" I guess he took that to mean he was in trouble, despite the fact I stressed time and time again that I wasn't upset. So one day he comes streaking into the living room, naked from the waist down, and starts excitedly telling me this long and involved story about how he was in the bathroom minding his own business. When suddenly the dog kicked in the door, ripped his pants off, attacked him, and pooped in his pants that were laying on the floor. The dog in question is a 16 year old blind and deaf chihuahua btw.
Wish I could remember the whole story he told me. It was hysterical.
5. We're sure any parent can relate to this conversation buyongmafanle had with his son.
Son walks into bedroom about 5AM.
Son "My pants are wet."
Me "Did you pee the bed?"
Me "Then how are they wet?"
Me "What water?"
Son "From my body."
Me "So you peed your bed."
Me "Then what water?"
Son "The water from my wee wee."
Me "So you peed your bed."
Son "No. I peed my pants."
Me "Where were you?"
Son "In bed asleep."
Me to wife "Am I going crazy?"
And that, folks, is parenting.
6. dbontheb's son got his stories mixed up.
Yesterday. My nearly 4 yr old used the garden hose to soak the dog. When confronted he insisted the dog was wet because it had rained. I noticed he'd peed his pants too and mentioned it. He denied that and said his pants got wet while he was spraying the dog.
7. kailosians' daughter is some kind of pee pee ninja.
When my older daughter was being potty trained, she accidentally peed herself. Since she knew she and her younger sister were dressed in matching outfits, she changed her clothes and her sister's clothes to match. Then she threw her wet clothes in the laundry basket and acted like nothing had happened.
That's when I knew my kid was uncommonly clever.
8. ThePotatoCouncil's nephew clearly has a flair for the dramatic.
My nephew. I don't have a child.
His mother: "What's that little scratch on your hand?"
Nephew: "Well, actually it was very serious. I sliced it open with a knife at school, there was a huge hole in my hand so the teacher had to cut some skin from another child to stick my hand back together."
9. Bears love baked goods too, thrwyoktoday.
While we were driving
Kid "I just saw a bear" Me "Really!?!?" Kid "yeah it was sitting on a stump eating a muffin"
10. Derpravity's daughter may need to work on her impressions.
Hubs and I lived with my MIL for a while after a financial crisis. Our oldest daughter was 3 and always trying to pull one over on someone. Went into the bedroom to discuss something we didn't want to talk about in front of the kid and had been in there for about ten minutes when we heard her knocking on the door asking to come in. I explained that we were having a grown-up conversation and that I'd be with her in a few minutes. Not to be dissuaded, she waited 20-30 seconds and knocked again.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"It's Gigi," comes an unnaturally deep voice on the other side of the door (Gigi being grandma).
Had to give her props for trying.
11. CertainDamagedLemon's son knows that when all else fails, the best move is to play dumb.
My 4 yo had been jumping in mud puddles near our house, which he was specifically NOT supposed to do. When he came up to me covered in splashes of fresh mud and I asked him what happened he looked me right in the eye and said "I have no idea."
Kids are hilarious.