A man is telling you that you should read this book.
(all images via Awful Library Books)
In this crazy, topsy-turvy world in which everything that we could possibly ever want to learn about is delivered right into our iTelephones, libraries may seem a bit outmoded. However, they still have a lot to offer young people hungry for knowledge. Just take a stroll through your local library's aisles, and you're sure to find a few hidden literary treasures.
For example, did you know that the best way for you to harness your inner womanliness is to defer all judgement to the penis-havers in your life? Seems counterintuitive, but that's what you'll learn if you check out Always Ask a Man: The Key to Femininity by Arlene Dahl. Plus, you'll get the scoop on Sophia Loren's 7-day diet, which I'm assuming she learned about from Marcello Mastroianni.
Have you always been curious about the mail correspondences of superstar actor Burt Reynolds, while also harboring a healthy curiosity about the curvature of his hind quarters? Of course you have! Hasn't everybody? That's why it's amazing that Burt Reynolds Hotline: The Letters I Get…and Write! isn't still in print today. Something truly is wrong with the publishing industry.
Probably the most difficult thing that a parent ever has to do is explain to a child why she's being sent off to bathe in a pool of cow's blood on a moonswept hillside. But you don't have to do it alone. Let Don't Make Me Go Back, Mommy: A Child's Book About Satanic Ritual Abuse do the heavy lifting for you. The Dark Lord Satan gave it to us for a reason.
Who do you want to play the leads in the film adaptation of Men Who Knit and the Dogs Who Love Them when Hollywood finally gets around to making it? I kind of feel like this would be a good follow-up project for Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson after the amazing work they did on True Detective. But I still don't know who they should get to play the men.
Many, many more awful, awful books can be found on the Awful Library Books website.
(by Dennis DiClaudio)