Here are some of the most amazingly awful books you might find at your local library.

Here are some of the most amazingly awful books you might find at your local library.
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A man is telling you that you should read this book.
(all images via Awful Library Books)

In this crazy, topsy-turvy world in which everything that we could possibly ever want to learn about is delivered right into our iTelephones, libraries may seem a bit outmoded. However, they still have a lot to offer young people hungry for knowledge. Just take a stroll through your local library's aisles, and you're sure to find a few hidden literary treasures.

For example, did you know that the best way for you to harness your inner womanliness is to defer all judgement to the penis-havers in your life? Seems counterintuitive, but that's what you'll learn if you check out Always Ask a Man: The Key to Femininity by Arlene Dahl. Plus, you'll get the scoop on Sophia Loren's 7-day diet, which I'm assuming she learned about from Marcello Mastroianni.


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Have you always been curious about the mail correspondences of superstar actor Burt Reynolds, while also harboring a healthy curiosity about the curvature of his hind quarters? Of course you have! Hasn't everybody? That's why it's amazing that Burt Reynolds Hotline: The Letters I Get…and Write! isn't still in print today. Something truly is wrong with the publishing industry.

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Probably the most difficult thing that a parent ever has to do is explain to a child why she's being sent off to bathe in a pool of cow's blood on a moonswept hillside. But you don't have to do it alone. Let Don't Make Me Go Back, Mommy: A Child's Book About Satanic Ritual Abuse do the heavy lifting for you. The Dark Lord Satan gave it to us for a reason.

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Who do you want to play the leads in the film adaptation of Men Who Knit and the Dogs Who Love Them when Hollywood finally gets around to making it? I kind of feel like this would be a good follow-up project for Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson after the amazing work they did on True Detective. But I still don't know who they should get to play the men.

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Many, many more awful, awful books can be found on the Awful Library Books website.

(by Dennis DiClaudio)

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