Sarah felt herself swelling with amused disappointment as she read his limp prose

First of all, give yourself a pat on the back for clicking on a blog post about literature, even if it's about hilariously bad sex-literature. This year, the Literary Review gave out their 22nd Bad Sex in Fiction Award to author Ben Okri for his cringe-worthy erotic prose in The Age of Magic. The book, which is otherwise not bad, is about a filmmaker shooting a documentary about the utopian ideal of Arcadia. There was a lot of terrible sex writing to choose from in 2014, but the Literary Review judges were apparently quite moved by one passage in particular that exploded from Ben Okri's quivering, turgid pen to make a hot mess of the page. They published this infamous passage (involving Leo, the documentary's presenter, and his girlfriend Mistletoe) so that future generations can avoid ever describing sexual activity in such a manner ever again: