Guess what, guys!
As you know, J.K. Rowling put an evil curse on 90s kids that keeps them from being able to die until they learn all of the inane bullshit from her Harry Potter universe. J.K. Rowling just revealed some exciting new information about the American Hogwarts, the Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! There's a new short story and even a sorting quiz for Ilvermorny's four houses. Maybe now you can slip into the sweet release of death.
The school gets a charming origin story about a plucky young witch who escapes from her evil aunt to found the Massachusetts school with her muggle husband. The new story is so delightful and rich, you might be disappointed that Rowling didn't expand the thing into a whole book
even though that would likely prolong your painful existence reading young adult novels as an old adult even longer.
You can also take a sorting quiz for Ilvermorny's four whimsically named houses: Horned Serpent, Wampus, Pukwudgie, and Thunderbird. Now you know you're a Gryffindor and a Thunderbird
and you're never, ever, ever going to die, even after the eventual heat death of the universe, God help us all.