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In order to seem hip and up-to-date, the Oxford English Dictionary added a bunch of new words for the Internet-savvy generation. 

What a butthurt rando butt-dial. (via Thinkstock)
What a butthurt rando butt-dial. (via Thinkstock)

Every year, the Oxford English Dictionary adds a handful of new words to their lexicon, because language is a constantly evolving form of communication (take that, you prescriptivist punks!). Now, we could just tell you what the coolest new words are, or, we could give them to all of you in the form of a short-story. What's that? You want the latter option? Are you sure? Well, if you insist...

I was at a fast-casual cat café reading about Brexit and Grexit, munching on some cupcakes from a local cupcakery while I petted a fur baby. I actually had to pay a cakeage to bring in my own cupcake, but I digress. The clock struck wine o' clock (or was it beer o' clock? I can't remember.), so I got the rando barista to serve me some Pinot Noir. We started talking, and I learned that she was a social justice warrior but also a redditor and ran an awesomesauce subreddit about her videogame pwnage and the deradicalization of fat-shaming. She had to leave, because a fatberg messed up the toilets so she had MacGyver them. It was cool. I was like "mkay, bruh" definitely not butt-hurt or anything — she had a job to get done. I was waiting for my friend Mx. Dennison, anyways, but they hadn't shown up yet. All of a sudden, I had a butt-dial (Or was it a pocket-dial? I can't remember.) to this Manic Pixie Dream Girl I used to know. I got a text afterwards, and we exchanged some bants. All of a sudden I got really hangry, so I ordered a barbacoa sandwich and watched a glanceable video compilation of some kayfabes. My order was ready, but I had a brainfart and didn't hear the guy at the counter. I was just man-spreading, playing with some meeple from one of the café's board games. All of a sudden, the server yelled my name and did a mic-drop, so I got the sandwich, which turned out to be weak sauce. Eating it was like a microaggression. All of a sudden, some cops came in because of a swatting call. Then I died. 

Sources: Time