All of them suck (except for mine).
It's Bad Poetry Day
And what better way
To mark this splendid occasion
Than poems from our staff
About topical stuff that's happening
Poem poem poem this is a poem
1. "Ode to my standing desk (that I rarely use)" by Dan Wilbur
O, strange monolith, in whose form I share!
Would that thy black form come de-fatten me.
But no. Here I stand, a mockery, bare,
I still never exercise. I’m heavy.
I give up quite early, back in a chair.
My coworkers laugh, high from their perches.
At weight loss advice I silently stare,
I spend all day deleting my searches.
Others rise while I continue to sit.
Perhaps I bought one only to feel judged.
My work is suffering. Everything’s shit.
I try and I try, but my ass won’t budge.
The desk rusts in a sitting position.
Fatter and fatter is my decision.
2. "Thinkpiece About Tinder" by Ariel Karlin
Swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe,
Left left left left left not my type,
What's your height?
How come I'm not in love?
3. "Johnny's topical haikus" by Johnny McNulty
Vote for Donald Trump
Over the shark we shall jump
It’s gonna be huge.
I swiped on Tinder.
Here's a guy reading kindle.
He's fucking married.
Wait his name's Fat Jew?
And he steals people's hard work?
Jesus fucking christ.
I love my job job
job job job job job job job
ok boss is gone now
I have a landline
This makes me quite important.
Now ask me your poll.
No one likes Ted Cruz.
He wants you to know he's smart.
And also a prick.
4. "This is just to say" by Shira Danan
I have eaten
that were in
the conference room.
you were probably
for the 12:30pm all-company meeting.
stealing them made me
5. "Coffee Coffee" by Bijan Samareh (me)
i know i should limit myself to two cups a day or something
i think it read that somewhere
but it's just too good
you make me shit a lot
butt you're worth the pain
just kidding tea's alright but not as good as coffee
does obama drink coffee
coffe looks good in italics
gonna go get some coffee
6. "Love" by Ashley Bez
Looking for true love
Like a strong modern woman
Wasted on Tinder
7. "Meditation on a Frock" by Meg Favreau
Dresses can be white and gold
Or sometimes they are blue
If you call something "the new dress" one more time
I'm gonna fucking punch you
(All nature photos via Wikimedia Commons)