In honor of #BadPoetryDay, we had our writers compose poems about contemporary issues.

In honor of #BadPoetryDay, we had our writers compose poems about contemporary issues.
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All of them suck (except for mine).

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It's Bad Poetry Day

And what better way

To mark this splendid occasion

Than poems from our staff

About topical stuff that's happening 

Poem poem poem this is a poem

1. "Ode to my standing desk (that I rarely use)" by Dan Wilbur

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O, strange monolith, in whose form I share!
Would that thy black form come de-fatten me.
But no. Here I stand, a mockery, bare,
I still never exercise. I’m heavy.
I give up quite early, back in a chair.
My coworkers laugh, high from their perches.
At weight loss advice I silently stare,
I spend all day deleting my searches.
Others rise while I continue to sit.
Perhaps I bought one only to feel judged.
My work is suffering. Everything’s shit.
I try and I try, but my ass won’t budge.
The desk rusts in a sitting position.
Fatter and fatter is my decision.

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2. "Thinkpiece About Tinder" by Ariel Karlin 

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Swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe swipe,
Left left left left left not my type,
What's your height?
Not alright.
How come I'm not in love?

3. "Johnny's topical haikus" by Johnny McNulty

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Vote for Donald Trump
Over the shark we shall jump
It’s gonna be huge.

I swiped on Tinder.
Here's a guy reading kindle.
He's fucking married.

Wait his name's Fat Jew?
And he steals people's hard work?
Jesus fucking christ.

I love my job job
job job job job job job job
ok boss is gone now

I have a landline
This makes me quite important.
Now ask me your poll.

No one likes Ted Cruz.
He wants you to know he's smart.
And also a prick.

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4. "This is just to say" by Shira Danan

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I have eaten 
the donuts
that were in 
the conference room.

and which
you were probably
saving
for the 12:30pm all-company meeting.

Forgive me
stealing them made me 
briefly 
feel alive.

5. "Coffee Coffee" by Bijan Samareh (me) 

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coffee coffee

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ur delicious

coffee coffee

i know i should limit myself to two cups a day or something

coffee coffee

i think it read that somewhere

coffee coffee

but it's just too good

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coffee coffee

you make me shit a lot

coffee coffee

butt you're worth the pain

coffee coffee

fuck tea

coffee coffee

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just kidding tea's alright but not as good as coffee

coffee coffee

does obama drink coffee

coffee coffee

probably

coffee coffee

coffe looks good in italics

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and bold

coffee coffee

gonna go get some coffee

coffee coffee

6. "Love" by Ashley Bez

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Looking for true love
Like a strong modern woman
Wasted on Tinder

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7. "Meditation on a Frock" by Meg Favreau

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Dresses can be white and gold
Or sometimes they are blue
If you call something "the new dress" one more time
I'm gonna fucking punch you

(All nature photos via Wikimedia Commons)

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