Kylie Jenner has 27 million Instagram followers and I understand why.

Looking at pictures from her life is like staring into a magical object that a witch tells you not to look at but you're like, "I have to look at it. It's the only thing I want to look at." It feels so good, but also wrong—like there will eventually be consequences for taking so much enjoyment in artifice, appearances, and cold hard cash. But for today, let's just have fun and be happy and look cool, like Kylie in all her photos. Let's take a tour through five archetypes in her 3,000+ posts that make me want to go back in time and do my teenage years a little harder.