Ashton Kutcher saw a Star magazine report that he cheated on Mila Kunis, his wife since 2015. Because as it turns out, celebrities read stuff too!
"Hey Ashton! Who's the girl?" they asked.
My cousin, he answered.
You should have heard how upset Mila was that I spent the day with our cousin. Sorry aunt Jodie these magazines lack integrity.
Later, Kutcher tweeted "if we're going to fight battles they might as well be the ones to change the world," thereby confirming that Ashton Kutcher cheating stories are the ones that will change the world.
And it's true. The ole' "that's my cousin, you idiot" is one of the best genres of cheating stories on the internet.