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In a new interview with The Sun, a bodyguard who spent 18 months protecting Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and their six kids is dishing dirt on the recently decoupled celebrity couple. Mark "Billy" Billingham, a decorated veteran of the UK's Special Air Service, says he was involved in every aspect of the family's life, keeping the famous parents from embarrassing themselves in public, while also acting as a surrogate father for their children. In particular, he is more than willing to brag about his relationship with the kids.

Angie and Brad are very worried about who goes near their children. It was clear from the start we had a great chemistry and they trusted me with the kids. We got very close, I was living with them all the time. I could take the kids anywhere I wanted to on my own. No one else was allowed to do that. Even when I wanted to bring in extra people, they wouldn’t let any of those near the kids. They could look out for them from a distance but they couldn’t physically touch them. I took them swimming. I fathered them, basically.

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"Fathered" is really the wrong word to use. He could have just said he "raised" them.

In the interview, Billingham also tells tales about the couple's lack of "common sense," a result of living in the bubble of fame for so many years. They would constantly ask him for help with directions and other simple tasks, almost as if he worked for them and it was his job.

Like helpless babies.
Like helpless babies.
Getty Images
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Billingham is currently appearing on SAS: Who Dares Wins, a reality survival show featuring UK veterans. The Sun asked him if he thought Brangelina could handle the show.

Brad wouldn’t last long because he wouldn’t have any cream to put on his face. It would be too sweaty and uncomfortable for him. He’s too pretty! But Angie could do it. She’d probably be the only one with balls at the end. She would stick it out.

Was there ever any doubt?